


What Colour is Love?

by HamHamHeaven



Series: Greyscale [7]
Category: Fest Vainqueur, Jrock, Royz, SCREW (Band), 己龍 | Kiryuu
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Color Blindness, Colorblind Soulmate AU, Drama, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Polyamory, Romance, Threesome - M/M/M, Triad - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-11-12 16:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 30,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11165964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HamHamHeaven/pseuds/HamHamHeaven
Summary: In a world where everyone is colour-blind without their soul mate, maybe finding "The One" is only the beginning of the story....





	1. Tada shiroku sunde ita

**Author's Note:**

  * For [puss_nd_boots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/puss_nd_boots/gifts).



> Dedicated to puss_nd_boots, because she wanted to know all about Junji's soulmate, and because her Subaru muse's tendency to lay claim to every hot guy in the vicinity is apparently contagious. ^_^
> 
> Assumes a passing familiarity with characters from Three Primary Colours of Light, When I Run Out of Blue, and The Pink of Perfection, although I've tried to make the overall plot comprehensible even if you've not read those stories. Pairings will be added to the tags as new relationships appear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ただ白く澄んでいた  
> Just transparent white

His phone is ringing.

It’s barely 5 o’clock on a Saturday morning, and his _phone_ is ringing.

There’s no ignoring it: the volume is set much too loud.  And there’s no pretending it’s Hiyori’s fault.  This particular ringtone belongs to one very specific person among Takemasa’s contacts– a person who knows better than to call at 5 A.M. on a Saturday!

“Are you going to answer that any time soon?” Hiyori’s drowsy voice chastises.

With a groan of frustration, Takemasa stretches his protesting muscles, wriggling his way to the end of the futon.

“D’you have any idea what time it is, Yan?” he grumbles into the mouthpiece without thought to proper greeting.

“Early enough that I wouldn’t be calling unless it was an emergency,” the frazzled voice on the other end replies.

That brings Takemasa out of his stupor a bit.

“Emergency?  What happened!  Are you and D okay?”

“We’re both safe; don’t freak out,” Tomoya assures him.  “But my boys are in a real bind.  You wouldn’t happen to know the name of a good, cheap, _fast_ mechanic, would you?”

Takemasa can’t quite believe his ears.

“A… mechanic? You woke me on my day off, and on less than an hour’s sleep, expect me to provide you with the name of a mechanic?!  There _is_ such a thing as the internet, you know.”

“No place is actually open yet, and I need answers now!  That’s why I’m hoping you know someone.  And why have you only had an hour’s sleep?  On second thought,” Tomoya interrupts himself, “Don’t tell me.  I don’t need the gruesome details of whatever perverted debauchery you and Hiyori have been up to.”

“Why not?” asks Takemasa through a yawn.  “Would be fitting payback for all those years I had to watch you and D make out whenever you felt like it.”

“As if you don’t get off on watching.  But I really don’t have time to argue with you about that right now.”

“What’s causing the panic?”

“Equipment van wouldn’t start.  When they finally got the engine to turn over, she sounds like a meat grinder full of lug nuts.”

“Poetic metaphor,” Takemasa grunts.

“The guy who normally handles this stuff for us is in America, if you can believe that, visiting family, and our tour starts _today_.  If we don’t get on the road in time….”

“Disaster ensues; I get it.  Thing is, Yan, there _are_ no mechanics who are good _and_ cheap _and_ quick.  The best you can hope for is two out of three.  And considering the short notice….”

Takemasa’s train of thought is derailed by a silky foot sliding sensually up his spine.  He turns, intent on apologizing to Hiyori for talking too loud, but his breath catches in his throat at the gorgeous sight that greets him: his boyfriend naked and splayed out on the rumpled blanket, long legs stretched toward Takemasa as if in invitation.

“Negi?” Tomoya’s voice calls through the fog of desire clouding his brain.

“Have him call Mitsuki,” Hiyori suggests, shoving his own mobile in Takemasa’s direction while continuing to tease his lover with his feet.  “He’s a great mechanic, very efficient, and if it’s for a friend of a friend, I’m sure he’ll give Tomoya a good price on whatever.”

Takemasa plants a lingering kiss on Hiyori’s ankle bone before snatching up the second phone.

“I’ll text you a name and number from Hiyorin’s phone.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Tomoya babbles over and over.

“I can’t promise he’ll be able to help, but it’s a start anyway,” Takemasa cautions as he copies the information into a text and sends it off.

“Who is this person anyway?”

“Hiyorin’s best friend’s soulmate – the best friend who isn’t with the guy who owns the bar.  Just tell him you got his number from us, and that should be good enough.”

“You’re the best, Maru.  This totally makes up for those live tickets that got you and Hiyorin together.”

“You know very well that it wasn’t the tickets that….”

Hiyori’s toe tickling Takemasa’s ear reminds him that he has better things to do than to bicker with his best friend.

“Whatever, good luck,” he grumbles, poking at the red ‘end call’ button before tossing both his and Hiyori’s mobiles aside.

Hiyori smirks sleepily as Takemasa kisses his way back up Hiyori’s legs.

“You’d better intend to make good on all that teasing,” Takemasa murmurs against soft skin.

Hiyori merely hums, so Takemasa presses his hips down against his boyfriend’s in such a way that his reaction to the teasing is quite evident.

“It’s _you_ who had better be prepared to be punished for waking me up so early,” Hiyori replies with a firm slap to his lover’s ass.  “Naughty Tama-chan.”

“You like it when I’m naughty,” insists Takemasa, pretending to pout.

“And you like it when I punish you,” retorts Hiyori unrepentantly, kneading the firm backside in his hands. 

Takemasa gives a soft whine at the feeling and leans down to reclaim Hiyori’s lips for the thousandth time that morning.  Hiyori allows it for a few minutes, relishing the eagerness and _confidence_ emanating from his boyfriend, before he finally pushes Takemasa away.

“On your knees, naughty boy.  And don’t you dare come before I give you permission.”

~~~~

When Koudai exits the washroom, he finds his soulmate frozen still as a statue, staring in horror at the mobile phone in his hand.

“Something wrong, Love?” he prompts, laying a gentle hand on Tomoya’s shoulder.  “Could you not get through to Takemasa?”

Before Tomoya can answer, a loud moan followed by a gruff “harder” echoes from the speaker.  Koudai’s eyes widen in shock.

“What on earth are you listening to?” he asks.

“M-maru,” whispers Tomoya, still unable to move.  “H-he… didn’t hang up….”

A crack and another loud groan issue from the phone, so Koudai snatches it out of his soulmate’s hand and ends the call himself.

“You didn’t think to hang up yourself instead?” he prompts, amused by Tomoya’s reaction.  Or lack thereof.

“M-myself?”

“Yes, _yourself_ , Love.  Both parties to a call have the option of ending it,” he jokes.  “You’re not obligated to listen as Maru and Hiyori… apparently make the best of their early morning wake-up call.”

Tomoya finally rouses himself from his astonishment and grins at his soulmate cheekily.

“And here I thought his kinkiness was all talk!”

Koudai shakes his head.   Leave it to Tomoya to find _that_ silver lining.

“Did he actually give you any useful information before upsetting your delicate sensibilities?”

“Oh, right… the van,” Tomoya’s face falls as he pulls up the text and hurries off in search of a pen.  “A friend of a soulmate of a friend of Hiyori’s or something.  Is it too early to call?  The last thing I want to do is honk the guy off when I need his help.”

Koudai puts the kettle on for tea and ponders.

“Most of the body shops online listed business hours starting at 7.  If you call close to 6, that shouldn’t be too early.  Besides, if you wait _too_ long, his schedule might be completely booked.”

The horrified look returns.

“Please don’t even joke about that, D.”

~~~~

A few neighbourhoods over, Mitsuki is just pouring himself and his soulmate Mahiro their first cups of coffee for the morning when his mobile rings.  Sephiroth, who was curled up quite contentedly in the centre of the table, glares at him in the way only a cranky old lady cat can, seriously displeased by the noise.  Mitsuki gives her an apologetic shrug and reaches out to remove the offending object from Her Majesty’s presence.

The number on the caller ID isn’t one he recognizes, so he hesitates to answer for a moment.  Then he recalls that he still hasn’t input Ayu-chan’s new number.

“Moshi moshi?”

“Sakai-san?  This is Hasegawa Tomoya.  I’m a friend of Kujo Takemasa and his boyfriend Isshiki Hiyori.  Hiyorin gave me your number; I hope I’m not disturbing you so early in the morning.”

Mitsuki’s surprised to hear that Hiyori’s been giving out his contact info, but there’s time to question why later.

“What can I do for you, Hasegawa-san?”

While Mitsuki listens as Tomoya briefly explains the conundrum he finds himself in, Mahiro stumbles bleary-eyed into the kitchen and plops down unceremoniously into his lap without even a sniff at the coffee.

“Wow, yeah, grinding is definitely a bad sign,” Mitsuki sympathizes, giving his lethargic soulmate a squeeze.  “The sooner you get it taken care of, the better.  I don’t actually work today, but I’m going to give you the employee line to the shop.  Call it as soon as we hang up and ask for Junji,” he instructs.  “Juju will be able to take care of you.  And listen, to make life easier, just tell him you’re a friend of mine.”

“Good idea,” Tomoya readily agrees.  “Must less complicated.”

“It’s kinda true anyway,” chuckles Mitsuki, “Considering the ‘six degrees of separation’ thing we’ve apparently got going on between us.”

“You’re a life-saver, Sakai-san.  I really appreciate it.  If you ever want tickets to a live, just say the word, and they’re yours.”

Mitsuki recites the number and throws in the address of shop for good measure before wishing Tomoya good luck and ending the call.

“Who the hell was that, and why the fuck was he calling before 6 A.M. on a weekend?” grumbles Mahiro, face still hidden against Mitsuki’s shoulder.

“A desperate man in need of a mechanic, Baby,” replies his soulmate with a smile.  “It seems Hiyori has been pimping my work.”

“I’ll pimp _him_ ,” threatens Mahiro idly.

From the table, Sephiroth gives a disdainful meow of agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** Tama-chan has a bit of a fetish for Hiyori's feet... and legs... and ass. Pretty much everything, tbh.  
>  **2)** Yes, I am a horrible tease for cutting away just then. But kinky Hiyori/Takemasa smex isn't the point of the fic. #SorryNotSorry  
>  **3)** Chibi-maro is not a morning person. Evidenced by the fact that he's swearing almost as much as Ru-chibi in the last installment.  
> 


	2. Nanimo kamo ga umaka ikanai son'na toki wa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 何もかもが上手くいかないそんな時は  
> When everything goes wrong

Tomoya’s next call is to the mechanic’s shop.  He paces back and forth through the flat trying to formulate a contingency plan in case this Junji person isn’t able to help him.

“Suzuki Body Shop,” a cheerful voice greets him.  “This is Junji.”

Once again, Tomoya launches into his spiel: who he is, how he got the number, and his dire need of assistance.  Junji listens sympathetically, asking a few questions about make, model, and mileage, as well as frequency of engine service.  Fortunately, Koudai was clever enough to have Tomoya write all of those details down earlier so he’s actually able to provide intelligent answers rather than repeating “uh, I don’t know” like an idiot.

“I’ll have to take a listen to be sure,” Junji says, “But I know we have the more common parts for that model in stock.  If you can get her to me before we open at 7, I’ll bump her to the top of the list.”

“I love each and every one of you!” Tomoya gasps in relief.  “I’ll bring it over A-sap.”

Junji chuckles.

“See you in a bit, then.”

Tomoya turns to Koudai, eyes shining with relief.

“He’s gonna fix it.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Love,” Koudai cautions.  “He’s going to _look_ at it.  We just have to keep our fingers crossed that it’s nothing major.”

Tomoya is about to chastise his soulmate for raining on his parade when his mobile lights up again – one of the equipment techs.

“Great news, kid!” he loudly proclaims.  “I’ve got someone who can look at the van.”

“ _Bad_ news, Manager-san,” the voice crackling over the extension denies.  “Bo dropped a stack of amps and twisted up his knee pretty bad while he and Mao were unloading equipment out of the back so that you can have her looked at.”

Tomoya’s face goes white as a ghost.

“No, please tell me they weren’t the _new_ amps.”

Silence is his only response.

“What did I do to deserve this?” Tomoya implores the ceiling.  “Who exactly did I piss off up there?”

“We need you to come down and sign the incident report for him, and maybe… see if you can’t work some of your magic on the equipment.  Otherwise, we’re gonna hafta beg replacements from the big boss, and I don’t think he’s gonna be too happy about….”

“Do _not_ call the boss,” Tomoya commands.  “I’m on my way.”

For a few seconds, Tomoya just stands with his face buried in Koudai’s narrow chest, babbling “why me” incoherently.  Koudai allows it, caressing his soulmate’s hair gently, and bites back the observation that bad luck usually comes in threes.  Humour isn’t particularly welcome when all hell is breaking loose.

~~~~ 

Tomoya practically throws himself out of the taxi before it’s even fully stopped, tossing a wad of cash at the driver as he goes.  Fast as his scrawny legs will carry him, he races around to the loading dock where the equipment vans were parked last night, all neatly packed and ready to go.

Now, _that’s_ a laugh.

A group of people are milling around between stacks of equipment, boxes, and bundles of chords strewn haphazardly across the pavement.  At the centre of the chaotic semicircle is the latest casualty of Tomoya’s terrible fortune: a once shiny amplifier that now has one side dented in so badly it looks like an elephant stepped on it.

“This is bad.  This is so bad,” Tomoya mutters to himself, shoving his way through the crowd toward his injured baby.  “Where’s Mao?”

“He took Bo to the emergency room,” one of the roadies informs him. “Bo can’t put any pressure on the knee, and Mao’s the only guy here strong enough to support Bo’s weight.”

_Things just keep getting worse._

“Shit!  I have to get that van to the shop before 7, or we’re screwed.  Do any of you kids have your license?”

Every single one of them shakes their head ‘no’.

“We have two equipment vans and the guys’ vehicle,” someone naively observes.  “Who else besides you was going to be driving?”

Tomoya gives a miserable bark of laughter.

“Bo and Mao.”

He plops down on the van’s bumper and does his best to hold it together.

The van _has_ to be priority number one.  If they can’t get to the venues, being short some gear isn’t going to make any difference.  But none of these young guys have the know-how to coax the amp back to life.

_Who do I know that has a license and the free time to get this hunk of junk to Junji-san before 7?_

He scrolls through his contacts, silently cursing the efficiency of the public transit system that means so few people bother to obtain driver’s licenses these days.

_Out on tour.  Out on tour.  Out on paternity leave.  Out on tour._

His thumb comes to rest on a particular name.

_And we have a winner._

 ~~~~

By now Tomoya doesn’t care if he’s forcing people awake with his calls.  His newest victim is roused from blissful slumber in the arms of his boyfriend by the most recent theme song from Bleach.

“I don’t like this song anymore,” a husky voice declares.

“Warned you,” is the matter-of-fact reply.  “Just ignore it.”

There’s some flailing and lip smacking.

“No, I’d better see what he wants….”

The instant the call picks up:

“Kazuo?  I need you.  Your license is still valid, yeah?” Tomoya practically shouts into the line.

A muffled, befuddled ‘yes?’ follows as hapless ‘Kazuo’ fumbles for the volume control button.

“Good.  Get your ass down here right now.”

“S’my day off!” protests Kazuki.

“Like I haven’t heard that excuse enough already this morning.  Seriously, why is today _everyone’s_ day off?!”

At Kazuki’s side, his boyfriend Gaku gives a huff of disbelief that anyone can be so oblivious.

“Because it’s Saturday?” retorts Kazuki.  “You know.  The weekend?  Ever heard of it?”

“Nope, not ringing any bells.  Equipment van didn’t care that it was the weekend when she decided to die on me.  And I now have…,” he checks his watch, “Thirty-five minutes to get her to the mechanic before I lose my appointment.”

Kazuki heaves a heavy sigh.  He gave up band management for the marketing department; he shouldn’t have to deal with these sorts of catastrophes any more.  Even so, he can feel himself relenting with every second that passes.

“Please, Moru, you’re my only option.  Everyone else is out on tour… or injured.  I’d have done the same for you if it were _your_ boys in a pinch.  Besides, it won’t take long.  You don’t even have to sit there while he looks at it; just leave the thing at the shop and take a cab home.  I’ll pay your fare.”

Gaku rolls his eyes at the whiney tone emanating from the phone.

“Don’t you dare give in to him,” he admonishes.

But his warning comes too late.

“Lemme find some pants.”

“Great.  Hurry!”

It is not lost on Kazuki that he is crawling over a _very_ grumpy boyfriend in his quest for trousers.

“He wouldn’t have called on my day off if it wasn’t an emergency,” defends Kazuki too readily.

Gaku clutches a Rilakkuma plush to his chest and frowns at Kazuki.

“You say that.  And you may even _believe_ that.  But from where I sit, it seems like he has a bad habit of taking advantage of your… over-cooperation.”

Kazuki pauses, on leg in one leg out of his jeans.

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“It means your obsession has turned you into a doormat.”

Kazuki sadly stares down at the beauty lying sullenly in his bed.

“Do we really have to have this argument again?  I had a crush – _had_ , past tense – _not_ an obsession.  One that’s far behind me.” 

He sits onto the edge of the mattress next to his lover, reaching out to smooth the hair from his eyes.

“I’m with _you_ now.  I love _you_.  You’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been in my life.  Tomo is a friend… and a respected colleague, nothing more.”

“Pretty hard to believe when you go running like an eager puppy every time he snaps his fingers,” scoffs Gaku, but the guilt on his face is evident.

Kazuki doesn’t have time to argue the point further, so he grabs up the nearest clean shirt and rushes off to the wash room.  He’s gathered his wallet, keys, and glasses and is heading for the door when Gaku suddenly grabs him in a hug from behind.  It’s the apology for the insecurities that he can’t quite bring himself to voice yet, but Kazuki understands what he’s trying to say without the words.

“Sorry this morning isn’t going as planned, Gacchan.  Will you still be here when I get back?  I can’t imagine it will take more than an hour to drop the van off and get back, and I _do_ still want to spend the day with you.”

Gaku gives a resigned huff and kisses Kazuki on the shoulder.

“I’ll be here.  Go save the day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** I was originally planning to have the two guys involved in the injury incident be the kids from Sadie/The THIRTEEN. But having a Mizuki _and_ a Mitsuki was just... nope.  
>  **2)** Based on the timeline I've sorta set for myself, Kazuki's ringtone would be the [theme](https://youtu.be/UFGHBiRjy5M) from Season 13 of Bleach, which aired July 2009 to April 2010.  
>  **3)** So more characters get tagged. I've been having a little love affair with Gaku recently. Even without the typical metric ton of visual kei makeup, he's absolutely [gorgeous](https://68.media.tumblr.com/9834d7fdff99879f8bf93592b98a2190/tumblr_nvhv1uf8t91r66dpno3_540.jpg).


	3. Monokuro no ezu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> モノクロの絵図  
> Monochromatic picture

Once the door closes, Gaku flops miserably back into bed, hoping he might get a little more sleep without really believing it’s going to happen.  He can never relax when he has a disagreement with Kazuki. 

He should have just kept his mouth shut.  Talking about Tomoya never seems to change anything.  It’s simply a matter of fact that Kazuki was nursing a very one-sided crush on Tomoya when they met.  Of course, now that Gaku has been introduced to Tomoya and his soulmate, _some_ of his doubts have been alleviated, because Tomoya has eyes for no one but Koudai.  That doesn’t mean Tomoya doesn’t take advantage of Kazuki when the opportunity presents itself, nor does it mean that Gaku doesn’t sometimes wonder if Kazuki’s feelings are _actually_ as gone as he believes them to be. 

Yes, he has insecurities, lots of them.  But giving in to them can only annoy Kazuki and drive him away faster.  Because as deliriously happy as Gaku generally is with his boyfriend, he doesn’t for one solitary instant believe it’s going to last.  Kazuki’s older, smarter, more settled and responsible.  And the final nail in the coffin?  He hasn’t met his soulmate yet.  It’s only a matter of time before he realizes Gaku isn’t worth the time and effort.  Isn’t worthy of him.  Sooner or later, Kazuki is going to leave.  Gaku tries to be strong and independent so that when it does happen and he’s left alone, he won’t fall to pieces again.

_Alone._

He’s spent most of his life alone.  No mother he can remember, an abusive drunk for a father.  When he was young, he used to daydream about his soulmate appearing suddenly and rescuing him from his miserable life like the hero in some old Samurai movie.  Of course, that never happened.  At sixteen, he’d finally had enough, dropped out of school and ran away from home, disappearing into the anonymity of the city.  Armed with a fake ID and an alias stolen from his favourite porn star, Kai the stripper was born.

There are lots of words for the kind of boy Gaku was back then, and none of them are flattering.  It’s funny that Kazuki, the one in an industry infamous for its “sex and drugs”, is the one who has lived his life on moral high ground.  Not that Gaku ever got involved with drugs back then – too expensive.  No, like his father before him, alcohol was his pain-killer of choice.  The solitary companion he turned to whenever he needed to blot out the world.  So… pretty much constantly.  At the ripe old age of 19, when Kazuki came into his life, Gaku was already spiralling out of control.

Sweet, unassuming Kazuki: dragged to the club by some of the rowdier boys he was babysitting… ahem… managing at the time.  Gaku had felt Kazuki’s eyes on him the second he’d strutted out onto the stage, and had played up to their table in hopes of earning a bigger tip.  But it wasn’t until Kazuki nervously approached him at the bar later and asked if he was allowed to accept drinks or dates from customers that Gaku recognized he truly had someone ‘on the hook’.

His behaviour during those first few dates shames him now.  All he’d cared about back then was Kazuki’s wallet.  But Kazuki had been so _nice_.  So respectful.  So refreshingly genuine about everything.  And never once did he judge Gaku for the way he was making a living.

_You do what you feel you have to in order to survive.  There’s no reason for you to be ashamed of that._

It was wonderful and frightening when he finally figured out that Kazuki was interested in more than just his body.  Even _more_ marvellous and terrifying when he admitted to himself that he had fallen in love.  Because someone like him didn’t have the right to be in love with someone like Kazuki.  To earn that right, he tried to clean up his act on his own – quit the club to become a stock boy at the local supermarket, threw away every bottle of booze in his vermin-infested hovel, and even reluctantly looked into what might be involved in obtaining a diploma.  Kazuki had seen the struggle and found him a job with the record label: first in the oh-so-glamourous mail room, then once he’d proven himself, in their in-house print shop making posters, flyers, and other promotional materials. 

It took effort, but Gaku has managed to extricate himself from the alcohol.  Thanks, in large part, to Kazuki’s affection and encouragement.  They’ve been together nearly three years now.  A slow-burning three years, true, in which Gaku has fallen totally, helplessly, head-over-heels for Kazuki, even as he’s tried to hold back.  Given how his stomach fills with butterflies each time they make love, how his heart aches whenever they have to say goodbye, and how easily his possessiveness flares any time Tomoya’s ringtone sounds, it’s safe to say that his restraint has utterly failed.

_Stop dwelling on it,_ he advises himself.  _He says he loves you; he says he’s happy.  And there’s nothing that can happen between the company parking garage and the mechanic’s shop to change his mind, right?  So just let it go._

~~~~

Gaku isn’t the only one lost in thought.  As he’s driving a frustrating 20 kilometres per hour through the city, listening to the engine of the van grinding like a screw shoved into a pencil sharpener, Kazuki is doing some reflecting of his own. 

_Is_ _he being too accommodating to Tomoya?_   From his perspective, his feelings for the older man faded a long time ago.  There is no one except Gaku.  Still, Gaku is afraid of losing the one person in his life who loves him, and Kazuki _knows_ that, so maybe he’s in the wrong?  

On the other hand, no matter how Gaku misinterprets, Tomoya _isn’t_ the sort to be lazy or take advantage of someone’s generosity.  This is obviously an urgent situation.  And what kind of colleague or friend would Kazuki be if he refused to help just because he wanted to sleep more?  That would have hurt not only Tomoya but the rest of the crew and band as well.  Not to mention the staff at the venue.  Without proper transportation, lives might have to be cancelled, disappointing all of their devoted fans.  No, all things considering, he’s made the right choice by helping.

_Does he need to make it up to Gaku anyway?_   After all, having your day off interrupted so early is annoying, and being deprived of time with your boyfriend can be a disappointment, even if those lost minutes would have been spent merely curled up together dozing.  Yes, he should do something special for Gaku on the way home.  Not buying him a present, because Gaku doesn’t like it when Kazuki spends money on him anymore.  But maybe he will stop by that little pastry shop Gaku loves for fresh croissants and coffee for them to share.  He can’t object to the expense if it’s breakfast, can he?

_But are croissants and French press really going eliminate his anxieties?_ It might make him forget for a day or two, but that fear of abandonment is going to continue to linger under the surface.  Maybe it’s time to stop dawdling and finally ask Gaku to move in with him.  That was half the reason Kazuki gave up managing and transferred to the marketing department in the first place. 

The other half, and the thing that has admittedly been swallowing up every spare moment of the free time he planned to have, is his mother’s failing health.  Her kidneys aren’t functioning the way they ought to, and two months ago the doctors finally decided dialysis was necessary: three visits per week, four hours per visit.  He loves his mother dearly and doesn’t resent needing to take care of her in the slightest; but with that added strain on his schedule, finding time for proper dates has been challenging.  _How much simpler would life be if Gaku were there every night when he got home!_

He’s so caught up in that pleasant fantasy that he nearly misses the turn for the mechanic’s shop and is met with a number of rude gestures from the other motorists when he suddenly pulls to the curb and brings the poor vehicle to a screeching halt.  Literally.

6:52

_Eight minutes to spare!_

Kazuki can’t see any lights on inside the body shop aside from the normal security lights that stay on perpetually.  None of the garage bays are open either, and the sign on the door still reads “closed”.

_Hope I’ve got the right place_ , Kazuki thinks as he jumps out and heads for the door.  _I didn’t think to ask where specifically Tomo was going to meet this Junji person_.

The front door to the shop is unlocked at least.  He steps in, glancing around to see if maybe there’s a bell he’s supposed to ring or something.

“Hello?” he calls tentatively.  “J-junji-san?”

“I’ll be right out!” a friendly voice answers from somewhere in the back.

_Oh good, I’m in the right place after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** Kai is the stage name Gaku used when he was in Velgreed. As to the porn star in-universe from whom he borrowed the name... not telling!  
>  **2)** At 19, Gaku wouldn't have been old enough to drink, not that it ever stops anyone. Considering he had a fake ID that allowed him to be hired at 16, they probably thought he _was_ old enough. And underage drinking seems to be quite a [thing](https://www.tofugu.com/japan/underage-drinking-in-japan/) in Japan.  
>  **3)** Kazumoru's mother's failing health is ultimately what led him to leave Royz, but I don't know that we ever learned the specifics of her condition. The artistic liberties I've taken with the situation are not meant to be disrespectful to him _or_ her in any way.  
>  **4)** Chapter titles are lyrics taken from Fest Vainqueur's [Colors](https://youtu.be/izCKaBXnSYA). An odd choice, perhaps, considering it was the last single they released _before_ Airu and Gaku joined them.


	4. Boku ni wa desanai iro ga atte

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 僕には出せない色がある  
> There is a colour that cannot be displayed to me

Tokai Junji is sitting at the break table in the back of the body shop munching on a curry bun and finishing up some paperwork when he hears the grating shriek of an engine in distress.  Figuring that means Hasegawa-san has arrived, he hurriedly cleans up the trash from his conbini breakfast and sorts the work orders into the appropriate trays.

“Hello?  Junji-san?” a hesitant voice calls from the front.

“I’ll be right out!” he hollers back.

Racing to the washroom, he rinses the stickiness from his fingers, then removes the elastic hair band from his wrist and grabs his hair up into a messy tail on top of his head.  Wiping the remaining moisture across the back of his overalls, he gives himself a cheeky wink in the mirror and heads out to start the day with a mechanical catastrophe.

He’s forgotten to turn the lights on in the waiting area, but the security lights and the ambient shine from the street through the windows provide more than enough for him to see the customer.  At least, the back of him: faded jeans with a pocket intentionally ripped off, a blue tee obviously worn to softness with multiple washings, and buff blond hair just to the nape of his….

Junji freezes, hand poised over the light switch.

That shirt is _blue_!

He’s never seen “blue” before.  Not the way he’s seeing it now.  Which can only mean…!  To think that one rather flustered phone call would lead to this.

“Hasegawa-san?” he says gently so as not to startle his soulmate, and flips the switch.

Kazuki spins around, startled by the sudden appearance of someone calling him by Tomoya’s name.  The greeting on his tongue dies, his eyes widen in shock, and the smile on his pretty face quickly transforms into something closer to abject terror.

“No no no no no no.”

Junji is caught completely off guard by this reaction, but his instinct is to soothe and protect.  Throwing his hands up in surrender he very slowly edges toward the dismayed young man.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of, I promise,” he murmurs.  “You’re safe.  I’m not going to hurt you.  I know this is unexpected, but please don’t be scared of me.  I’m a nice guy.”

Kazuki is practically hyperventilating, his body and mind totally disconnected.  Through the haze, he can hear Junji’s reassuring words, and it embarrasses him that his soulmate has gotten the impression that his reaction is due to fear.  But he can’t get hold of himself well enough to explain what’s going on.

“You’re going to pass out if you don’t calm down,” Junji warns, voice full of concern.  “Why don’t you… have a seat?” he pulls the computer chair out from behind the desk, “And I’ll… go find you a bottle of water.”

Kazuki manages to nod and wobbles his way to the chair.

_Yep, he does seem like a nice guy. Shame.  This would have been so much easier if he were a jerk._

  


A dozen thoughts tumble through Junji’s mind as he fetches the bottle of water.  _Why is his soulmate reacting this way?_   No one he’s aware of has ever found him the least bit intimidating.  Is it that he’s male?  Obviously older?  A blue-collar worker?  Does he look like someone from the past?  Is he….

Kazuki is doubled over in the seat, head in his hands when Junji returns.  Junji crouches down beside him, hand unconsciously resting on the younger man’s knee.  Kazuki notices it, though; notices the contact and the tingle it produces along his spine.

“Here you go,” Junji offers the bottle.  “Sip it slowly so it doesn’t go down the wrong pipe, huh?  It’s been a while since I did my CPR training.”

Despite himself, Kazuki gives a hoarse, wheezing chuckle.

“I don’t think CPR works for mis-swallowed liquids,” he observes.

Nevertheless, he does sip the cool water slowly.

“See!” Junji says, relieved that his soulmate has stopped gasping for breath enough to actually speak to him.  “I have no idea what I’m doing, so you’d better not choke!”

He smiles up at the younger man, trying to take in his features without causing another meltdown.  An eyebrow ring peeking out from his fringe, dark glistening eyes framed by a soft flutter of lashes, a cute little button nose, and a lip ring clinging to the corner of a pair of lips that look perfect for kissing.  Junji can feel his cheeks heating.

_Don’t rush it, Juju._

Meanwhile, the face smiling up at him is making the tingle in Kazuki’s spine flare up again, and he squeezes the bottle of water in his hands so tightly that it makes a crinkly crunching sound.

_Keep it together, Kaz._

“I think I should go move the van in off the curb.  Just relax here a minute, okay?” instructs Junji.

Kazuki gives him a half-hearted smile and nods again.

“Cool.  Sit tight.”

Junji strides out the front door, and it’s all Kazuki can do to keep from making a hasty escape.

_This is a complete disaster, but I’ve got to pull myself together enough to explain._

  


In the time it takes for Junji to get the uncooperative engine started again and the van into the appropriate garage, Kazuki has recovered his wits and professionalism enough to hold a proper conversation.

“I’m very sorry for freaking out like that, Junji-san,” he blurts out the moment the door opens again.

“There’s no need to apologize, Hasegawa-san,” Junji reassures immediately.

Kazuki’s face flushes.

“Actually, I’m not Tomoya.  I’m… a co-worker of his.  He asked me to drop the van off for him when other things started imploding as well.  M-my name is Yamamoto Kazuki.  N-nice to meet you.”

He gives a clumsy sort of half-bow, which Junji returns just as awkwardly.

“I really _am_ sorry I reacted this way,” Kazuki soldiers on.  “It’s not that I’m afraid of you or anything or that you’re….  It’s nothing to do with you, really; you seem like a kind person.  It’s just that I….” he hesitates, “I have a very insecure boyfriend waiting for me at home.”

Junji’s heart sinks like a stone.

“Someone I love like crazy, who is going to be devastated when he finds out that I’ve found my soulmate.  And there must be a reason that we’ve met, you and I, but it’s going to be so painful for him that I don’t….”

“We obviously have a lot to figure out,” interrupts Junji.

Kazuki is too preoccupied to notice how rough his soulmate’s voice has become.

“For now, I think maybe the best thing to do would be to put all of that on hold until the more immediate issue of Hasegawa-san’s van is dealt with.  He made it sound like it was an emergency situation.  Besides, that will give us both time to collect our thoughts a bit.”

“S-sounds reasonable,” Kazuki agrees.  “Do you need me to hang around while you look at it or would it be better for me to just… leave you to it and have someone come by for it later?”

Junji shrugs.

“If the sounds she was making are any indication, this could take a while.  Should I... call you when I have a firm answer on what the issue is?”

Junji’s hoping for any excuse he might use for contacting his soulmate again soon, but Kazuki shakes his head.

“Tomo’s the one who will need to approve whatever repairs and prices.  Do you have his number?”

Without waiting for a reply, Kazuki grabs up a nearby pen next to the computer and writes out the necessary information.  Junji just lets him, sorrow filling him at the way his soulmate’s hands tremble.

As he’s writing the number down, it occurs to Kazuki just why Junji wants to call him.  And he figures he owes his soulmate a little something to prove he’s not going to just disappear from his life.

“M-my number too,” Kazuki remarks shyly, pointing at the bottom.  “In case he doesn’t pick up or you need anything or… whatever.”

Junji tucks the little slip of paper into his back pocket.

“Do you need me to call you a taxi?” he offers.

“Thanks, but I’ll just take the train.”

Watching his soulmate’s back as he leaves is one of the most frustrating things Junji has ever had to do.  Not knowing if he’ll ever see the younger man again makes it a hundred times worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** I have no idea what Kazumoru's family name is. I picked 山本 because it's one of the most common in Osaka Prefecture.  
>  **2)** If you don't think Kazuki's lips look perfect for kissing, you're wrong...  
> 


	5. Kimi ga soba ni irukara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 君が側にいるから  
> Since you are at my side

Junji is sitting in the garage, bonnet of the van popped wide open, staring idly down into the engine block “listening to the noise”.  At least, that’s what he would say if anyone bothers to ask what he’s doing.  Truth be told, he’s having a terrible time focusing on his work.

_Yamamoto Kazuki.  My soulmate._

It seems so surreal.  Junji gave up on the dream of finding his soulmate long ago.  Oh sure, there was a time he’d hoped, like most other people.  When he first learned that something called ‘soulmates’ existed, he was as excited as anyone to find her.  And because the more people you meet, the higher your odds of finding The One, he’d lived an active, outgoing sort of life.  He never turned down an invitation to a club, a party, a concert, a weekend in the country with the friend of a friend of this one guy who goes to my gym.  Everyone was a chum because _anyone_ could be the person who introduced him to his Destiny.

That mind-set had lasted until about four years ago.  By that point, he was the only one of his cousins and close friends who hadn’t found someone to settle down with.  Whenever anyone asked, he’d give a cheerful grin and joke that he was perfectly happy saving up for a new motorcycle rather than for a pre-school.  Yet behind the joking, he felt very alone.  

For a few months, he’d fallen into a sort of depression, wallowing in the very real possibility that meeting his soulmate might never happen for him.  But being such a naturally-optimistic person, he eventually rebounded.  There were other people like him in the world who would never found that One.  That didn’t mean you had to be miserable, right?  There are no guarantees in life, so why not ‘love the one you’re with’ as they say!

He’d started dating again, and before long found someone he could see himself with long-term.  Eriko was fun and spunky, just as enthusiastic about going and doing as Junji himself; she also appeared to be more than willing to commit to someone who wasn’t her soulmate.  But appearances can be deceiving.  She met her soulmate last year, and within a week was gone.  No discussion, no apparent moral dilemma or emotional struggle over the decision.  Just “I found my soulmate; goodbye”.

He finds it poignant that he is now on the opposite side of that story – facing the prospect of being the reason a happy couple splits up.  A male couple to boot.  All these years, he’s been looking for a female soulmate; and while Kazuki is every bit as beautiful as any of the girls Junji has ever dated, he’s nothing like what Junji had in mind.  Junji has never had the slightest attraction to guys. 

Okay, that’s not _technically_ accurate.  He’s always found Mitzuki’s soulmate Mahiro very alluring in a “please don’t tell Miki; he’s very possessive” sort of way.  And yes, Junji has noticed how cute Hiyori looks since he met Takemasa.  But that’s just the natural glow of being in love, right?  That’s not Junji being attracted.  And sure, he _did_ catch himself staring at Kana in that V-neck sweater he wore last… okay, so maybe Junji is bi after all.

He takes a step back from the van, fanning himself at the sudden warmth that’s come over him.  This is not the time to be distracted by all of the good-looking men in his life.  Right now he needs to concentrate on the engine in front of him.  The sooner he can find Hasegawa-san a solution, the sooner he can turn his attention back to the dilemma of his gorgeous new soulmate.

~~~~ 

Kazuki stumbles blindly along the street, body on auto-pilot as he makes his way down the stairs, through the turnstile, and onto the train.  His earlier plan to stop for pastries is abandoned; there isn’t time.  He needs to get back home into Gaku’s arms as soon as possible.  Then maybe this entire bewildering morning will make sense. Maybe it won’t feel like the whole world is crashing down around him.

By the time he has crossed the threshold into his flat, hysteria has returned in full-force.  Shoes are kicked off and the rest of his belongings tossed in a haphazard heap, he nearly runs face-first into Gaku who has come to see what all of the uncharacteristic noise is about.

“Woah, what’s the rush, Kazu-chan? Did ya miss me that much?” Gaku teases, hands on Kazuki’s shoulders ready to give him a playful shove.

Except that Kazuki’s arms coil around his waist pulling him close with a fierceness that’s overwhelming.  And there’s a wet spot forming against the collar of his shirt that feels a lot like it might be tears.  That has Gaku worried, because Kazuki’s not prone to tears.  Not even when the doctors gave him the bad news about his mother’s condition.

“What’s wrong, Honey?” he asks tenderly, stroking through his boyfriend’s hair. 

Kazuki can’t hold back a pained sound at that sweet nickname.

_I don’t want to tell you.  It’s going to hurt you so badly._

“You’re starting to scare me,” Gaku admits nervously.  “Whatever it is, just tell me, okay?  We’ll figure it out.”

“I… he… the m-mechanic….”

It’s not at all clear what Kazuki is trying to say, but his posture and the way he’s trembling are enough to set Gaku’s blood boiling.  He may be the younger of the two of them, but he’s seen the harsh realities of life enough that his mind immediately jumps to worst-case scenario.  And if this mechanic tried something, or gods forbid, _succeeded_ in hurting his Kazuki, Gaku will kill him.  It will take some doing, but he still knows people.

“What happened?  What did he do?” he asks, straining to keep his voice calm so that he doesn’t upset his boyfriend more.

Kazuki buries his face as far as he can into Gaku’s shoulder and mutters miserably: “He’s my soulmate.”

Well, that’s… preferable to an assault. 

Even if it _does_ feel like Gaku’s just had his heart torn to shreds.

“Y-your… s-soulmate.”

The words ring painfully in his ears.  Or maybe it’s the sound of his pulse pounding inside his skull that he’s hearing.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen!” Kazuki apologizes illogically.  “I just turned around, and he was standing there.  And oh god, Gacchan, I’m sorry!”

_His soulmate.  That’s what I get for thinking nothing could go wrong between here and the mechanic’s.  Dammit, Tomoya, couldn’t you have found someone else to play chauffeur?  Then none of this would have happened!_

Meanwhile, Kazuki continues to beg for forgiveness and cling to Gaku as if his life depends upon it. 

“Please stop apologizing,” Gaku admonishes him.  “I know you didn’t plan to meet him.”

_He’s sorry.  He didn’t mean for it to happen.  If he’s this upset… I guess he feels guilty about it?  Does that mean he’s leaving me?_

Gaku tries to swallow the golf ball of emotion that seems to be lodged in his throat.  Reluctant as he is, Gaku steps away from Kazuki’s hold, backing away until the undersides of his knees hit to sofa.  He doesn’t even notice when he sinks down onto the cushion.

“I guess… I should start gathering up my stuff.  I’m sure a lot of my junk has found its way over here, so it might take some time.  I’ll see if we have any leftover boxes at work that I can use to pack….”

“Pack?!” Kazuki cries in alarm.  “No, don’t pack.  Where are you going?!”

Gaku stares at his feet.

“Back to my place?  You found your soulmate, so there’s no point in me hanging around anymore.  I hope…,” he practically chokes on the words, “I h-hope the two of y-you are very h-happy together.”

In an instant, Gaku’s lap is filled with a very teary, _very_ ardent Kazuki pleading with him to stay between scorching hot kisses.   Phrases like “love you so much” and “won’t ever let you go” soon mingle with “more” and “need you” and “gods don’t stop”, as the two lovers lose themselves in desperate passion and sorrowful devotion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** Junji's relationship with Eriko is hinted at in 3 Primary Colours of Light, but now we understand a little better how things went down between them.


	6. Kimi ni shika dasenai iro ga atte

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 君にしか出せない色があって  
> There is a colour that only you can display

Even though Junji has Kazuki’s number, and therefore the implicit permission to use it, he holds off on texting until late the following afternoon.  In the first place, he doesn’t want to give the impression that he’s overly clingy; in the second, it gives him the opportunity to figure out exactly how to say what he wants to regarding the boyfriend Kazuki has at home.  It’s important that he convey what’s in his heart without anything sounding like an ultimatum.  Once he’s finally ready, he types in:

 **To: Kazuki**  
**Hey, it’s Juju.**

 

Delete.  Too casual.

 

 **Hi, this is Junji.**  
**I was wondering if maybe you had some time tonight to meet up and chat.**

As soon as he’s hit “send”, it crosses his mind that he doesn’t even know what his soulmate does for a living.  Is he a salaryman with an 8 to 8?  Or, since the van he brought in is a “tour van” and Hasegawa-san is a “co-worker”, does that mean Kazuki manages a band as well?  Does that mean his schedule is erratic?

**Or if not tonight, in the next few days?**

Junji hopes it will be tonight.  All of these “what if”s hanging over his head are incredibly nerve-wracking.  Even if he’s ultimately rejected, knowing is better than being perpetually in limbo.

Kazuki’s been half-dreading a call since their meeting the previous day, so it’s both an annoyance that he’s worked himself up over nothing and a relief that he can simply type a response instead.  When the message comes and he sees how Gaku’s expression darkens, his first inclination is to make up an excuse for why he can’t go.  Then he remembers Junji’s countenance as they parted and feels like a complete ass for even thinking of snubbing his soulmate.  Junji deserves better than that.

 **To: Junji**  
**Free all evening.  Where and when?**

A rather brief reply, but Junji can live with it.  Quickly as his calloused thumbs will allow, he types back.

 **Do you know the bar next to that popular karaoke place near the train station?**  
**I’ll send you the address.**

Wait, maybe he should _ask_ where Kazuki wants to go. 

_Why am I feeling so flustered?!_

**Unless that’s not a good spot for you, then wherever you’d feel comfortable.**  
**Is 8-ish too late?!**

Normally Kazuki would be wary of a bar, given Gaku’s history with alcohol.  But it turns out he recognizes the linked address as the place Tomoya has been recommending to _everyone_ ever since his best friend started dating one of the bartenders.  Two birds with one stone, as they say.

**Bar’s fine.  See you @ 8. (-ω-)ゝ**

“Come on, Gakkun,” he says, tossing the mobile to one side.  “Let’s go get cleaned up.”

Gaku glances up from his Fist of the North Star volume, pouting at Kazuki for talking and moving around rather than staying still like the good pillow he’s supposed to be.

“Why do I need to be involved in your hygiene rituals?” he asks sceptically.

“Because you’re coming with me,” declares Kazuki.  “That way neither one of you gets any wrong ideas about what’s happening here.”

Gaku opens his mouth to object to his boyfriend’s plan, but Kazuki’s jeans and underpants casually slipping from his hips into a pile on the floor stop the air in his lungs.

_Was I about to turn down an offer to share the shower from the sexiest guy I know?  What’s wrong with me!_

Up he jumps, flailing slightly in his haste to follow and strip all at the same time.

~~~~

Between the distraction of hot, wet tongues under the cool shower spray and Gaku’s indecision about appropriate wardrobe, it’s closer to 8:15 by the time they exit the train station headed for the bar.  They turn every head as they go – more accurately, _Gaku_ turns every head – though the stares they receive are evenly divided between admiration and disapproval.

Maybe it’s the long purple curls clipped under his bleached locks.  Maybe it’s the deep fuchsia he’s painted his lips or the heavy black lining his eyes.  Then again, it could be the tight white shorts: not _quite_ small enough to be called “booty shorts” but almost.  They certainly aren’t long enough to be visible below the hem of the gauzy leopard- spotted wrap he’s shrugged on over the white V-neck tee he stole from Kazuki. 

Personally, Kazuki thinks Gaku looks like he’s trying too hard.  Even so, he recognizes that ‘sexy stripper’ is a mask that Gaku wears to hide his lack of self-confidence, so he keeps his opinion to himself.

“What does this Junji guy look like?” Gaku asks none too casually.

“My height, hair long enough to be pulled up….”

Kazuki’s brow furrows as he tries to remember.  It’s all a bit blurry now.

Gaku won’t let up.

“Is he hot?”

“I don’t really know, Gacchan,” Kazuki mutters, gallantly holding open the door of the bar in an effort to distract from the way his cheeks are heating.  “I was rather preoccupied with trying to breathe.”

Unfortunately for the younger man’s ego, they’re barely inside before a _very_ attractive man at one of the side tables starts waiving to get their attention.  The nervous way Kazuki reacts tells Gaku that this hunk is the dreaded soulmate.  And _boy_ is he a hunk!  His hair is loose to his shoulders, framing an open smile and sparkling eyes.  He’s shorter than Gaku, thin but still solid looking.  He’s not wearing anything special – just a band tee and a pair of jeans – yet perfectly sculpted muscles are obvious beneath both.

_Who the hell is this guy: the next Jet Li?!_

If Junji had walked into the club when Gaku was still stripping, he would have been _all_ over those muscular arms.  Gaku scowls at the thought, and consequently at the man who is producing them.  Junji’s smile waivers slightly.

“Yamamoto-san,” he greets Kazuki, “Thanks for agreeing to see me.  And this must be your boyfriend.  Nice to meet you.  I’m Tokai Junji.”

“I hope it’s okay that he came along,” Kazuki offers with a hesitant smile.  “This is….”

“You can call me ‘Kai’ for now,” interrupts Gaku.

Kazuki grimaces, and Junji glances between the pair in obvious confusion.

“Uhm… Kai?  Okay.”

“I don’t give my real name to strangers,” is the only explanation Gaku offers before plopping in the seat closer to Junji so that Kazuki has sit across the table from his soulmate. 

It’s the lesser of two evils: sitting next to the soulmate versus staring at the soulmate.

“I suppose that’s understandable,” Junji allows, “But you have nothing to worry about from me, Kai-kun.  And in the interest of not being a stranger for long, let me introduce myself properly.  My name is Junji.  I’m 31, from Kosai, Shizuoka prefecture.  Born the eleventh of January.  Moved here when I was twenty.  Sixty kilos, mostly muscle I swear; 170 centimetres; type A blood.  What else would you like to know?”

Before either can respond to the barrage of statistical data, a pretty guy with a frilly apron and neko ears in his hair comes over to their table.

“Juju!  You brought more friends with you.  You and Haya-kun are so good for business meN won’t ever need to advertise.  What can I get for you this evening?”

“Two Cokes, please,” Kazuki requests with a friendly smile.

Gaku nudges his knee under the table.

“You can drink if you want to, Honey,” he murmurs.  “It’s fine.”

Kazuki reaches out and gives Gaku’s hand a squeeze before turning back to the waiter.

“Two Cokes,” he repeats.

“Sure,” Hiyori nods as if it’s perfectly normal for two young men to order cola in a bar early on a Sunday evening.  “Another Sapporo for you, Juju?”

Meanwhile, Junji notices how his soulmate’s boyfriend is looking everywhere except for the half-drunk beer on the table.  _He has an issue with alcohol?  Or under all that makeup, is he actually too young to drink?_

“No thanks, Hiyorin.  I don’t want to overdo it,” Junji answers with a brief wink.

Hiyori shakes his head.

“Never in my life would I have thought to hear you call one beer ‘overdoing it’, but whatever you say….”

He wanders off still muttering to himself and is back again before anyone can think of anything to fill the awkward lull in conversation.

“Now I have to go pretend like I care about sumo,” declares Hiyori as he sets out two bottles of Coca-cola, “But if any of you needs anything, or if you feel like being a hero and rescuing me, just give a holler.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** Apparently Gacchan has a "[small mania](http://rokkyuu.com/interview/fest-vainqueur-exclusive-interview-generation-and-more/)" for Fist of the North Star.  
>  **2)** The outfit Gaku is wearing is a weird combination of his [Gloria](http://www.karatetsu.com/visual/img/slider/fest5.jpg) and [Best Vainqueur](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/ea/30/27/ea302723fd2459f9f4d440d720e4958d--purple-fest.jpg) looks.  
>  **3)** The stats Juju spews are based on his [profile](http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/kiryu-%25E5%25B7%25B1%25E9%25BE%258D/articles/130975/title/kiryu-profiles); I have no idea the degree of accuracy IRL. (It makes me irrationally happy that he's a Capricorn like I am and that we're so close in age.)


	7. Donna keshiki sae mo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> どんな景色さえも  
> What kind of scenery

“So he’s the one dating Tomo’s best friend,” Kazuki surmises as he watches Hiyori interacting with the other customers. 

“Oh, do you know Takemasa-san?” Junji asks, pleased to have _any_ topic of discussion really.  “He’s become somewhat of a regular here too.  As you’d expect, with Hiyorin being an employee.  Nice guy.”

“Too?” Gaku seizes upon the word like a cat on a mouse.

_Does this guy have an alcohol problem?_ Kazuki’s already had to struggle through one man’s addiction; Gaku doesn’t think he deserves to have to put up with all of that again.

Kazuki gives Gaku’s hand another squeeze, silently telling him to relax.

“I’ve met Kujo-san a few times,” he explains, “But I don’t know him very well.  I can see why you all like this place, though.  It has a very friendly aura.”

“It’s sort of the default after work hang- out spot for us mechanics,” Junji agrees, “Doubly so since Mitsuki started working here part- time.  It gets a bit crowded some nights, but it’s never deafeningly loud or filled to the rafters with smoke like some of the more popular places.  And there are usually enough pretty girls for everyone to talk to without feeling competitive.”

“Girls?” Gaku mocks.  “Really?  You’re going to tell your _male_ soulmate and his obviously gay boyfriend about pretty _girls_.  What kind of homophobic bullshit is that!”

“I… no, it’s not…!” Junji sputters.

“Gaku!” chastises Kazuki, completely forgetting to call his boyfriend by his false name.  “He didn’t mean anything by it.”

Gaku gives a derisive snort and mutters something pejorative against the lip of his cola bottle.

_So much for keeping my name private._

However, Junji is too preoccupied with the accusation to notice the slip- up.

“I’m really not homophobic,” Junji insists with a pleading look in Gaku’s direction.  “If I were, this would be the last place I’d come.  Three of the bartenders are in same- sex relationships, and the manager is actually with _two_ guys. I’m sorry if mentioning our attraction to girls came off as bigoted.”

“You don’t have to justify your attractions, Tokai-san,” Kazuki reassures him.  “You are who you are, and you certainly don’t have to pretend otherwise on _my_ account.”

Gaku makes a face.  _Of course Kazuki would rush to the defence of the soulmate he barely knows._

“Please call me Junji.”

_It’s disgusting._

“If you’ll call me Kazuki.”

_Sickening._ Gaku feels like he’s going to be sick.

“I need a smoke,” he declares, shoving his chair back forcefully.

Again, Junji gives him a rather bewildered stare.

“You know you’re allowed to smoke in here,” he offers, casting about for an ash tray.

“I’m not an idiot,” retorts Gaku sourly. “Kazu-chan doesn’t like the smell.”

“I’ve been trying to get him to cut down since we started dating,” Kazuki reproaches fondly, “It’s so bad for your health!”

Junji sees the love shining out of his soulmate’s eyes as Kazuki gazes up at his boyfriend, but insecure Gaku only hears that he’s a disappointment.

_Will my smoking be the excuse he uses to leave me?_

Ruefully, he grips his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“I’ll start quitting tomorrow.  I promise.”

Kazuki stares at Gaku’s back as he hurries away, preoccupied with how tense his boyfriend’s posture is.  Junji stares at Gaku’s legs as he leaves, unable to tear his eyes away even though he knows he probably shouldn’t be so fascinated with that silky expanse of skin on his soulmate’s boyfriend.

“I’m sorry about Ga… a-about Kai,” Kazuki fumblingly apologizes.  “He isn’t usually this hostile.  It’s just….”

“He’s scared of losing you,” Junji supplies.  “I get it.  I’ve been where he is; I know exactly how much it hurts, facing the possibility of someone you love leaving.”

Kazuki wants to ask exactly what happened to Junji, but it’s obviously something that still hurts him, and they probably aren’t close enough for those sorts of details just yet.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he offers instead.

Junji just shakes his head and knocks back the rest of his beer in one large swallow.

“Truly, though, he’s not nearly as antagonistic once you get to know him,” Kazuki excuses his boyfriend.  “A-assuming you’re going to get to know him,” he adds awkwardly.  “I guess I’m getting ahead of myself in terms of how things are going to progress, aren’t I?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk with you about this evening,” Junji confirms, “But we should probably wait until he’s back so he doesn’t feel excluded from the discussion.”

They don’t have to wait long; guilt has Gaku re-joining them only a few minutes later.

“So I think it’s time to get what I really wanted to say out in the open,” Junji offers by way of introducing the topic to the younger man.

Gaku crosses his arms over his chest, and stares at Junji challengingly but waits in silence for whatever is going to be said.  Junji takes a deep breath and launches into the speech he’s been practicing.

“Meeting you was something I’d all but given up on, so no matter _what_ the circumstances, I’m thrilled that it’s happened.  That said, I know what it’s like to be where Kai-kun is right now.  And no matter what may happen, I absolutely do _not_ want to be the reason the two of you break up.”

No one is more surprised to hear those words than Gaku himself.

“Does that mean you’re going to bow out?!” he asks incredulously, at once thrilled with the idea of having no rival for Kazuki’s affections and peeved on his boyfriend’s behalf that someone could walk away from him so dismissively. 

“No, that’s not what I mean,” denies Junji.  “I want to get to know him, and I hope at the very least we can become close friends.  Like he said yesterday, there must be a _reason_ we met.  But I’m not going to push for anything specific in terms of a relationship.  The two of you are together, and I respect that.”

“You want us to _share_ him,” Gaku accuses.

Junji gives a huff of frustration.

“I want to be part of his life.  In what capacity and to what extent are up to him.  Also,” he adds, with a glance toward Gaku, “I think it would be a good idea for Kai and me to spend some time getting to know one another as well.  For now, you’ve got no reason to trust me around your boyfriend; but given some time, you’ll see I’m not just talk.”

Gaku doesn’t make a peep, mind in too much turmoil from what he’s hearing to articulate a response.  Kazuki, on the other hand, knows exactly what to say.

“Everything you’ve just said is a good indicator of why you are my soulmate.  I… actually came here tonight fully prepared to tell you that I have no intention whatsoever of breaking up with Ga… Kai.  And if you hadn’t been able to accept that, I probably wouldn’t have done much to keep in contact with you.”

Gaku squirms in his seat.

_Is Kazuki actually saying that he would choose Gaku over his soulmate?  That can’t be right.  Why would he choose to stay with someone so damaged when he could have a person with his life together?  The person he was meant to be with?_

“I don’t know what I might have with you in the future,” Kazuki continues.  “I _do_ know what I have with my boyfriend right now, and I’m not willing to lose it… or him.  I love him too much for that.”

Junji nods.  If only Eriko had felt as strongly about him as Kazuki feels about Kai.

“So we’ll get to know one another and see what that brings.  What do you think, Kai-kun?”

The expectant look on Junji’s face makes Gaku’s finger itch for a cigarette or three to calm his nerves.  Kazuki’s expression of gentle concern makes his body scream for a drink.  Or five.  The voice of his father in his mind calling him a weak little bitch makes him want to curl up in a corner and pretend none of this is happening.

“Do whatever you want,” he snaps, shoving his seat back once more.  “I’m going home.”

One of the bottles tips over, spilling syrupy soda all over the table top.

“Gacchan, wait!”

Kazuki stares helplessly after his boyfriend even as he fumbles for napkins to wipe up the mess and his wallet to pay for the drinks.

“I’ll get it,” Junji tells him.  “Go, before he does something he’ll regret.”

Kazuki shoots Junji a grateful smile and rushes toward the exit as fast as he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** Yes, a mid-week chapter because reasons.  Happy Thursday!  
>  **2)** Given how everyone in Royz seems to constantly have a cigarette in his hands, I have no reason to actually think Kazuki dislikes it. This is totally me projecting and wishing the boys would be healthier. Maybe since Gaku is the only guy in Fest who smokes now, he will quit?


	8. Itsushika mou yumemi gachina esoragoto wa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> いつしかもう夢見がちな絵空事は  
> Someday I’ll see a different dream

“What was all _that_ about!”

Hiyori suddenly materializes at Junji’s side with a mop and a ‘wet floor’ sign.  Junji ignores the bartender’s inquiry; instead, he steals a rag that’s been left at the end of the counter and begins wiping away the sticky mess.  Hiyori frowns, but doesn’t push the matter further.  He collects the empty glass and bottles, cleans the puddle from the floor, and wads up the sodden pile of paper napkins.

“Do you want your bill?” he asks once things are straightened up.

“I think I’ll take another Sapporo now,” Junji replies.  “Actually… better make it two.”

Hiyori seems on the verge of protest, then thinks better of it and hurries away toward the back, presumably to the store room.  Junji plops back down into his seat and wearily rests his forehead against the edge of the table, mulling over how the evening went.

Not as bad as it could have, all things considered.  He and Kazuki are obviously on the same page about how things should progress.  But Kai?  Junji isn’t quite sure what to make of Kai.  He’s young and gorgeous – the kind of guy who could walk into any room and have whoever he set his mind to.  And he’s obviously set his mind on Kazuki.  Junji can’t help but wonder how much of that is genuine affection versus simply not wanting someone else to take what is _his_.

 _That’s an unfair thought_ , Junji chastises himself.  _Just because he’s young doesn’t mean he’s immature.  I wonder how old he is.  I wonder what his real name is.  I wonder how long it will take before he trusts me enough to tell me any of that._

The person who brings the beer to his table isn’t Hiyori; he’s not wearing a pink apron.  Even as Junji’s bleary eyes slowly climb up the person towering over him, that person is dropping down uninvited into the seat next to him.

“Hiyorin said you looked like you could use someone to talk to,” meN says by way of a greeting.

“Hiyorin’s a bit nosey this evening,” observes Junji dryly.

“He cares about our regulars.  That’s what makes him a great bartender. And why it’s going to suck trying to replace him when he does finally get his career fully underway.”

Junji merely grunts and makes a grab for the beer.  meN is quicker and slides it out of his reach.

“Whatever the problem is, this isn’t going to fix it.  Believe me, I know.”

“No offense, but what do _you_ know about my soulmate problems?” scoffs Junji.

“Are you kidding!” meN laughs.  “In case you’ve forgotten, I have _two_ : one with the self-esteem of a broccoli and the other, by his own admission, a complete spazz.  Who knows more about soulmate problems than I do!”

“That may be, but they’re both crazy about you, and you’re all happy,” Junji laments, making another feeble attempt for his beer.

meN heaves a sigh and gives Junji a hearty slap on the back.

“We are _now_ , but it wasn’t easy going at the beginning.  When Hayato first showed up, I was so scared and confused I damn near ruined everything with Kana by hiding things from him.  And might just as easily have destroyed everything with Haya-chan, too, in the process.  In short, I am the king of screw- ups.  So talk to me.”

Junji finally manages to wrestle the beer from meN’s hand and guzzles half of it before wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

“Long story short, my soulmate is a guy who already has someone in his life he’s not willing to part with.  Not that I _expect_ him to, or even _want_ him to.  Gods know I wish Eriko had thought that way.  But the boyfriend has pretty much decided that I am evil incarnate for merely existing, and I don’t know how to go about fixing that, short of him getting to know me and learning that I’m not a jerk.”

“Seems like the most reasonable solution,” meN concurs.

“Except that it’s entirely dependent on his willingness to participate, which, as I’m sure you saw earlier, seems unlikely.”

Junji gestures vaguely at the wet floor sign.

“So that was the boyfriend storming out?” meN asks.

Junji nods over his beer.

“Damn…” meN peaks over his shoulder to make sure no one is eavesdropping.  “With those legs and that ass, I wouldn’t give him up either.  Don’t tell Ka-chan I said that.”

Junji gives meN a hard look.

“What?!  Don’t pretend like you didn’t notice he was hot!” meN sounds truly offended by the notion.

“Of course I noticed; I’m not blind.  But do you really think _you_ should have been noticing?” Junji retorts.  “Your soulmate has the self-esteem of a broccoli… whatever the hell that means.”

“My eyes haven’t stopped working just because my heart is taken,” meN justifies.  “But since I know that Kana’s self-worth is fragile, I do my best to avoid rubbing that fact in his face.  Stop deflecting.  We were talking about you and _your_ soulmate.”

“I’d given up on finding her… him,” Junji shakes his head at his pronoun mistake.  “Yet now it has happened, and it’s all so… complicated.”

“I think, despite what the media would like us to believe, it’s _always_ complicated finding your soulmate,” meN posits.  “Just take us as an example.  Ka-chan and I have to figure out how we’re going to explain the existence of a third soulmate to the folks back home.  Takemasa’s soulmate walked out on him; Hiyori’s didn’t make it.  Miki has Mahiro-san’s health problems to deal with.  You and Eriko didn’t last even though you thought it would.  Life’s not perfect.   And even the people who seem happy and put together may be struggling with something.”

Junji grunts again and gulps down more of his alcohol.

“Sure, it’s gonna take time.  Trial and error.  Probably more than a few false starts.  But it will be worth it,” meN assures.  “ _He_ will be worth it.”

Junji tries to smile, because he knows instinctively that if he _could_ make it work, Kazuki would indeed be worth it.

“But the boyfriend….”

“A friendship with him might end up being worth it, too.  You never know.  After all, your soulmate loves him enough to want to stay with him, so he must have _some_ redeeming qualities.”

meN gives Junji another slap on the back.

“Anyway, I’m cutting you off.  Go home; get some sleep.  Give the kid a couple days, then try again.  If having Hayato in my life has taught me anything, it’s never to underestimate the power of persistence.”

Junji can well believe that someone as… enthusiastic as Hayato would be able to get his way just by wearing down the resistance of others.  It’s not his own preferred approach, though.  Then again, he does tend to be the patient sort.  Maybe meN is right; maybe he _should_ try to wait it out.

He tallies up the price of his two beers, the colas, and a little extra for the ruckus they made, tucking the money under the beer glass before standing, stretching, and heading for the exit.

“Sorry about the spill earlier, Hiyorin,” he calls to the bartender.  “Won’t happen again.”

“Don’t worry about it, Junji-san,” Hiyori responds over the heads of his customers.  “Be safe on your way home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** Yes you read that right: "the self-esteem of a broccoli". I have no earthly idea what that means, but meN refused to let me change it to something less ridiculous.  
>  **2)** Since this chapter is super short, I will probably post another short one on Thursday like I did last week.


	9. Chika sugite mie tenakatta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 近すぎて見えてなかった  
> I was too close to see it

“Gacchan, wait!”

Kazuki’s voice reverberates off the train station walls, mocking him as he chases down the steps after his boyfriend.

Gaku doesn’t wait.  His chest and eyes are burning, and he doesn’t want to face Kazuki.  Doesn’t want to hear how disappointed or frustrated or angry he is about what just happened.  Doesn’t want to give the older man a chance to say aloud that he’s already regretting his decision to choose Gaku over Junji.  Of course, there’s only so far ahead Gaku can get before he’s forced to stop on the platform and wait for the train like everyone else, which naturally allows Kazuki to catch up. 

Once he has, he clings to Gaku’s arm panting.

“Damn, I need to lose some weight,” he wheezes to himself, trying to catch his breath.  “Who gets this winded from running a couple of blocks!”

“You do _not_ need to lose weight!” Gaku scowls. “You’re perfect just the way you are.”

He hates it when Kazuki puts himself down like that.  Ignoring the older couple nearby who seem to disapprove of his fashion choices, Gaku wraps an arm possessively around Kazuki’s waist, pulling his boyfriend closer so that Kazuki can lean against Gaku’s chest until his respiration evens out a bit.

“I’m sorry about losing my temper back there,” Gaku whispers against the shell of his ear.  “It’s just all so….”

“Maybe we should wait to talk about all of that until we get home.  You _are_ coming home with me, aren’t you?” Kazuki requests.  “Please.”

“Might be better if I didn’t,” Gaku denies.  “We both have to work tomorrow.”

“In the same building,” insists Kazuki.  “It’s not going to kill me to leave when you do and get there half an hour early.  If anything, maybe I’ll be able to get a few things accomplished before the rest of the department shows up and starts making a racket.”

Gaku gives Kazuki’s temple a kiss.

“Okay fine, if you can’t stand to be apart from me.”

He means it sarcastically, but that’s exactly how Kazuki feels.  The whole weekend has been a stress-filled fiasco, and he wants… _needs_ Gaku close.

“Thank you,” he murmurs against Gaku’s shoulder. 

They wait for the train in silence, both drawing strength and comfort from their proximity.  And they remain pressed close together on the ride home, even though there’s plenty of room for them to sit.  Not another word is spoken between them until they’ve finished their nightly regimen, washing and brushing, and tucked themselves back into bed.

“I’m sorry I dragged you with me tonight,” Kazuki says softly.  “I… should have known it would be too much too soon for you.  But I didn’t want you to start imagining all kinds of incorrect things about what was happening between us when you weren’t there.”

“It wouldn’t have been any easier if you’d waited,” sighs Gaku.  “Whether tonight or three months from now, I’m just not going to like him.”

“You didn’t even give yourself a _chance_ to like him,” Kazuki points out. 

He _doesn’t_ point out that Junji behaved in quite the opposite manner.  That observation can wait for later.

“I don’t _want_ to like him,” Gaku retorts obstinately.

“You’re just being stubborn.  Did he really seem that bad of a person?  What’s wrong with getting to know him?”

“It has nothing to do with him being a bad person.  I don’t want to become pals with the guy who’s going to take you away from me.”

“Didn’t you listen to a word we said?” huffs Kazuki in frustration.  “You’re not _going_ to lose me!”

“Yes, because your soulmate is oh so graciously permitting me to stay.”  Gaku rolls his eyes.  “Being the bigger man.  Proving how enlightened and caring he is.  Screw him!”

Kazuki shifts onto his side so that he can glare at his boyfriend.

“No, not because he’s _permitting_ you to stay.  Because I want you!”

He grabs hold of Gaku’s chin, forcing the younger man to meet his fierce gaze.

“I. Want. You.  And at this point, I don’t know what else I can do to prove that to you.”

Kazuki ignores the little voice in his head pestering him about asking Gaku to move in.  This is absolutely not the appropriate time for that discussion.

“You’re just going to have to trust me.  Let time be my proof.  And the same goes for Tokai-san.  Don’t you think he at least deserves a _chance_ to prove himself?”

As far as Gaku is concerned, when it comes to Junji, the answer is a big fat ‘no’.  But if he says that out loud, Kazuki is going to demand to know why, and Gaku recognizes that he doesn’t have sufficient justification right now.

“M-maybe.  I’ll think about it.  Let’s get some sleep.”

Kazuki isn’t pleased with that answer.  More often than not “maybe” means “I’m going to put this off until you’ve given up or forgotten about it”.  Still, he knew from the start that he was fighting an uphill battle, so he decides to let the subject drop for the evening.

“Okay, sleep,” he agrees, snuggling closer despite the early July heat.  “Oyasumi, Gacchan.”

Gaku drifts off with Kazuki cradled to his chest, determined that he will never spend another moment in Junji’s presence no matter how much Kazuki tries to persuade him.  He won’t subject himself to the constant reminders that Kazuki is no longer completely his.  He won’t be compared and found wanting.  He _won’t_.

Apparently his subconscious disagrees with that decision, because he is plagued by nightmares.  At first, they are just images of Kazuki and Junji together, blissfully happy, Gaku’s existence entirely forgotten.  But as the night progresses, the visions become more sinister.  Kazuki is miserable, in danger; Junji hurts him, hits him, tells him he’s worthless in a voice that sounds just like Gaku’s father.  Kazuki is crying.  Injured.  Alone.

Gaku wakes up in a cold sweat, shaking like a leaf.  He hasn’t been this scared in years.  Three years, to be exact.

_What if something happens to Kazuki?  Something that I could have prevented if I’d just been around to see the kind of person this asshole is._

No.  No way in hell will he allow something bad happen to Kazuki just because being in his lover’s soulmate’s presence makes him feel inadequate!  Whatever it takes to keep Kazuki safe, he will endure it.

“Whatever it takes,” he murmurs into his sleeping boyfriend’s hair.

 

A few days later when Junji texts Kazuki and asks if maybe they’d like to join him for a craving bust at MOS Burger, Gaku doesn’t put up the slightest fuss, to Kazuki’s surprise.  He merely shrugs one shoulder and asks:

“Which one and what time?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** [This](https://youtu.be/eHyh1TCBYSw) is the entire reason that the Junji/Kazuki thing happened in the first place. (circa 12:55 if you're not interested in watching the entire thing). Even though punishment for failing his "diet" is what sparked this fic in the first place, it still irks me he thought he needed to lose any weight at all.


	10. Te o nobasu kimi no fukai yasashisa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 手を伸ばす君の深い優しさ  
> I reach out for your deep kindness

The next couple of months involve a lot of “group dates”, with Junji and Kazuki alternately proposing get-togethers and Gaku unexcitedly tagging along to all of them, though he begrudgingly admits to himself that he tends to enjoy himself despite his best efforts.  He even gives up the pretence of being “Kai” and allows Junji to call him “Gakkun”.

Their outings are always low-key – a late dinner, an even later movie, a video game tournament, a couple hours’ embarrassment at the karaoke place – and well within Gaku’s limited price range.  He wonders how much of that is Kazuki’s doing.  If he’s been hinting to Junji that Gaku doesn’t make much and hates to be treated.  Gaku _wants_ to think that so that he can go on disliking Junji.  But the spots Junji suggests are always “my favourite ramen place” or “the best sushi I’ve ever found” or “this shop owned by a friend’s friend”, and the employees always greet him like he’s a long-lost family member, so it _seems_ like he’s telling the truth.

It also seems like he was telling the truth about not wanting to come between Kazuki and Gaku.  He always greets both of them with equal enthusiasm, does his best to keep Gaku involved in the conversation, and never crosses the line with Kazuki.  Never even _attempts_ more than a friendly pat on the shoulder, although it’s clear to Gaku by the fifth date that he’d like to.  It’s annoying, but Gaku is the first one to acknowledge how magnetic Kazuki is.  Junji would have to be completely oblivious _not_ to feel it.

 

Junji feels it, all right.  Kazuki is everything he could have ever asked for in a soulmate: sweet, thoughtful, hard-working, beautiful inside and out.  Even his devotion to Gaku is endearing.  The only thing Junji might possibly complain about is how infrequently they get to see one another, but that’s hardly Kazuki’s fault. meN was absolutely right; Kazuki is totally worth it.

Junji still hasn’t _quite_ made up his mind about Gaku yet, although the younger man is growing on him – prickly personality and all.  Junji has taken meN’s advice to heart, albeit a modified version thereof, and does his very best to be patient with Gaku.  After all, trust isn’t earned overnight.  He asks about Gaku’s tastes and preferences, taking them into account when thinking about what they should all do together, and being sure to avoid things that will make the young man feel like a third wheel.  It’s slow going, but Junji can detect subtle signs that Gaku’s animosity isn’t quite as sharp as it started out.  Which, he discovers, is quite a relief to him.  Not only because it makes things easier for him and Kazuki; also because he genuinely _wants_ the younger man to like him.

 

Kazuki notes the gradual change as well and breathes a sigh of relief.  It may still be too much for him to hope that Gaku will ever think of Junji as a friend, but at least there’s hope that he’ll stop thinking of the mechanic as an enemy.  It’s a weight off Kazuki’s shoulders at a stage when he could really use the reduction in stress.  His mother took a tumble on her way home from the market, and because of the elevated phosphate levels in her blood from her kidney issues, the broken bone that resulted isn’t mending like it should.

Kazuki’s limited free time becomes even more limited after his mother’s injury, leading to a compulsory shift in their dating habits.  Finding time to get together is hard enough when there are only two people to account for.  When there are three, it’s practically impossible.  After the third time Kazuki has to cancel plans last-minute, it occurs to him that even if _he_ can’t go spend time with Junji, there’s no reason Gaku can’t.  Gaku doesn’t see any purpose in meeting Junji alone, and quickly points out that there’s no reason to think that Junji would want that either.  But Kazuki pouts at him cutely and kisses him until he’s so distracted he probably would agree to rob the Kremlin.  He’s not happy about it, but he tells himself it’s better than Kazuki being alone with Junji instead. Gaku is still not _entirely_ convinced that Junji is trustworthy.

To Gaku’s annoyance, Junji is perfectly fine with Kazuki’s suggestion.

 **I told you I wanted to get to know you.**  
**No reason we can’t do that without Kazuki-kun around.**

Gaku scowls at his mobile.

**Fine.**

“This is not a date, though,” he insists once he’s found Junji outside the train station.

“Okay,” Junji agrees.  “Not a date.  Just ‘hanging out’.  What would you like to do?”

“I don’t care.  Whatever you wanna do is fine,” comes the apathetic reply.

 

Junji tries to tailor their activities a bit when it’s he and Gaku alone.  After all, despite his hard life and tough talk, Gaku’s still a kid at heart.  A 22-year-old kid who never got a chance to do the things kids are supposed to do in their teenage years because he was too busy trying to survive.  At least, that’s the impression Junji’s got from the things Kazuki has hinted at.

_What did I like to do when I was 22?_

The most honest answer is that Junji liked to go out drinking and partying.  But those are both off the table for his time with Gaku.  Kazuki has let him in on the younger man’s history of alcoholism, and Junji is determined that he will _not_ be the reason Gaku has a relapse.  Besides, he doesn’t have the stamina he once had to spend all night drinking and then stumble his way to his full time job the next morning.

_Okay, so what do I like to do now besides drinking?_

 

He takes Gaku with him to his gym, ignoring the younger’s snide inquiry as to whether Junji is trying to imply that Gaku is over- or under-weight. 

“This is a lame place for a date,” Gaku whines.

“You _said_ whatever I wanted to do was fine,” Junji reminds him. “This is what I normally do on Wednesday evenings.  Besides, I thought you didn’t want it to be a ‘date’.”

Gaku’s ears go red.

“Whatever.”

Junji goes about his normal routine, explaining the lifts he does with the weights and how they help him when dealing with uncooperative engines, though he is forced to hold back just a bit when it becomes obvious that Gaku is the competitive type who wants to match him rep for rep.

Even using smaller weights, Gaku’s muscles are angry with him for several days afterward.

 

Late one afternoon the following week, Gaku receives a text from Junji to meet him at a nearby park.

“Soccer?!” Gaku mocks when he hears Junji’s suggested activity.

“You didn’t like the gym,” shrugs Junji.  “I thought this might be a nice alternative while the weather’s still mild enough.”

Truthfully, he thought it would be easier on Gaku’s muscles and ego.

Gaku mutters about ‘silly juvenile activities’ as he bends down to tighten his laces.  But he ends up having a blast running around playing one on one.  Despite being a decade older, Junji is in excellent shape, and Gaku finds himself admiring the mechanic’s toned calf muscles more than once.

A couple of hours later, flushed and thoroughly winded, Gaku decides they need ice cream to make up for all of the calories they’ve been burning.  Junji has no problem agreeing to that, and to his surprise doesn’t get more than a slight huff when he pays for them both.

_We’re definitely making progress!_

 

The next time, Junji shakes things up on his boss’ suggestion, dragging Gaku to an arcade; again, Gaku jeers at the location and even calls Junji out for treating him like a child.

“I’m the boyfriend, not the step-son!” he complains.

He then proceeds to beat Junji at every single game they play, insists that Junji buy him a pizza as a “reward”, and struts out of the place like he’s king of the world with a Hamtaro, a My Melody, and three Hello Kitty plushes tucked under his arms.  Perhaps Junji should be irritated at his bratty attitude, but he actually can’t get enough of Gaku’s smile, even if it _is_ a rather smug one.  

“You gonna give one of those to Kazuki?” Junji asks as they wait for their trains.  “I think he’d like it.  He sounded like he could use a pick-me-up when I talked to him yesterday.”

Gaku nods.

“I thought I’d give him… you said there’s one in purple, right?”

Junji hums and gives the one in his left hand a tap.  Gaku stares down at the toys in his arms, playing with the ring in his lip while he thinks.

“Would you… m-maybe,” he tentatively asks, “Want one too?  You know… since you didn’t win _anything_.”

It’s a childish way of making the offer, and Junji might have misinterpreted Gaku’s meaning when they’d first met.  But now he knows that it’s just Gaku’s way, feigning coldness, and he’s so touched by the gesture his face feels like it might split in two from grinning so hard.

“I’d love one, Gakkun.  Thank you.”

Gaku’s ears go red again.

“Whatever,” he mutters, shoving one at Junji’s chest.

“Blue,” Junji holds it up and makes it wave its paw.  “How’d you know that’s my favourite colour?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** The [Hamtaro](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/6c/e4/57/6ce4578cf68578383d134dce13b5e16c--hamtaro-plushies.jpg), [My Melody](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/34/93/b0/3493b0c237a858c9f6be4482196f9772--my-melody-toy-chest.jpg), and [Hello Kitty](http://www.dhresource.com/260x260s/f2-albu-g3-M01-61-D7-rBVaHFZmFqCAFjueAAJxrKhLnLg761.jpg/24cm-9-5-039-039-hello-kitty-plush-toys-4.jpg) plushes Gaku won. I specifically chose My Melody because we share a birthday. #Dork


	11. Kotoba ga boku no kokoro umete kuretakara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 言葉が僕の心を埋めてくれたから  
> The words filled my heart

“Did you enjoy your present?”

Junji and Kazuki are tucked into a cosy corner of the French patisserie’s patio, sipping frozen cappuccinos under a dozen strings of twinkling faerie lights.  It’s a rare evening when Kazuki has a few hours to himself, and his first thought was to spend them with the men in his life, as embarrassing as it is to phrase it that way.  Junji readily agreed, but to their surprise, Gaku replied that he couldn’t come.

**You two have fun, though.**

Permission to be alone.  Permission to _have fun_ while alone.  Kazuki still can’t quite believe it.

“Earth to Kazu-chan.”

“Hmm, what?”

Kazuki blinks at his soulmate who’s watching him from across the table with an amused twinkle in his eyes.

“You spaced out on me,” Junji teases. “Guess I should work on my conversation skills.”

“Sorry.  Just thinking about… work.”

It’s not polite to tell your soulmate you’re thinking about your boyfriend instead of focusing on the conversation.

Junji knows right away that Kazuki is lying, but lets it pass.

“I asked if you enjoyed the present from Gaku,” he repeats.

“You mean Kitty?  Yes, she’s adorable.  She’s sitting with Rilakkuma on the window sill next to my bed.”

Kazuki smiles, that bright sunny smile that makes his eyes completely disappear, and Junji’s heart flutters.

“I was surprised when Gacchan told me you’d taken him to the arcade; I don’t know why I never thought of that.  It’s exactly the sort of place he’d love to go.  But then, maybe he wouldn’t have wanted to go with _me_.”

Junji uses all of his willpower to focus on Kazuki’s words and not the little moustache of whipped cream on Kazuki’s upper lip.

“Where exactly _do_ the two of you go on dates?” Junji asks to distract himself.

“You have to remember that when I met him, he was still very much Kai the stripper,” Kazuki points out.  “He only wanted to go to expensive restaurants and love hotels.  Once he started taking my affection for him seriously, it was like someone had flipped a switch.  He wanted home-cooked meals, movie nights on the sofa… he wanted a home.  He became very sensitive about not being seen as my sugar baby, so he won’t let me spend money on him anymore.  And he avoids things that he thinks are juvenile.  ”

“Yeah, he didn’t like it when I tried to treat him initially either.  Do you ever worry that he’s looking for a father figure rather than a partner?” Junji candidly queries.

“Does it feel that way when he’s with you?” Kazuki answers with a question of his own.

Junji shrugs.

“I’m still not convinced he’s even accepted me as part of your lives yet.”

“Oh, he has!” Kazuki assures him.  “You should hear the way he talks about you. ‘Juju said this; Juju did that’.” 

There goes Junji’s heart again.

“He’s… calling me ‘Juju’?”

Kazuki gives a little giggle behind his hand. 

“Cute, right?  It’s almost enough to make me jealous.”

“You know I’m not trying to come between you, right?” Junji immediately declares, worried he’s done something wrong.

Kazuki shakes his head.

“Don’t worry.  We both know that.  It’s a relief to me that he approves of you, honestly.  I had a feeling spending time with you would bring him around.  Things would be so much more complicated if he stuck to hating you.  But don’t tell him I told you.  He’s not ready for you to know just how much he likes you yet.”

“Cross my heart!”

Junji stares down at his coffee, mulling over the idea that Gaku really does like him more than he’s letting on.  And then pondering the fact that even though this is the first evening he’s ever gotten to spend with Kazuki alone, they’ve spent most of it talking about Gaku.

“You know,” Kazuki muses quietly, “I was planning on asking him to move in with me.  Before meeting you and this latest disaster with Mother happened.”

Given how in love they are, Junji’s not particularly surprised to hear it.

“Why didn’t you?”

Kazuki sighs and tilts his head back to stare at the darkening sky.

“It never quite seemed like the right moment.  I’d have the perfect setting, the words all planned out, and then… something would always happen to spoil things, and I’d think ‘no, I should wait’.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m not sure that life is going to _let_ me ask.  If Mother’s health keeps declining, I may be forced to move back in with her.  And if that’s going to be the case, it’s not _fair_ of me to ask him.  Besides, I’m not even sure if he’d be willing to consider it.”

As far as Junji’s concerned, Kazuki is crazy for having any doubts about what Gaku’s reaction will be, although it might not be his place to say as much.  What’s the protocol on soulmates meddling in boyfriend’s relationship?

“I think you should tell him,” he says after a few minutes.

“Tell him?”

“That you want him to move in… even if things with your Mother will ultimately prevent it.  You want him as a permanent part of your life; show him that.”

Kazuki nods hesitantly.  He doesn’t really want to tell Junji that one of the reasons he’s neglected the idea of Gaku moving in is his mixed-up feelings for his soulmate.  Maybe somewhere, some small part of him is holding out hope that it will be Junji he lives with someday.  Not _instead_ of Gaku.  No, he said it before, and he means it still – he loves Gaku and won’t ever give him up.  Yet, there’s no denying that life feels… _right_ when his soulmate is around.

_Isn’t the idea of having them both just a little too greedy?  Too selfish?_

“You’re spacing on my again,” Junji remarks.

“Just… thinking maybe we should stop talking about Gaku.  He’s probably tired of sneezing by now.”

~~~~

From that evening onward, it’s even odds whether Gaku joins Kazuki when he meets up with Junji.  Unlike his dates with Gaku, which are all energetic and full of adventure, the time Junji spends with Kazuki is quiet and relaxed.  His soulmate is spread pretty thin mentally and emotionally, and he wants the time they have together to relieve stress, not add to it.

Gaku is still not entirely okay with his boyfriend dating someone else, but he sees the looks the pair of them throw at one another when they think no one is watching.  They’ve fallen for one another.  It’s just a matter of time before one of them works up the courage to say something.  He expected it to bother him more that it does.  Maybe that’s because Junji is such a disgustingly great guy, curse him; or it might be that no matter how many occasions Gaku catches Kazuki staring at Junji, when those beautiful eyes turn on him, they still shine with just as much love and care as they ever did.  Almost like nothing has changed.

The anticipated confession happens mid-September.  Junji and Kazuki have a quiet meal at one of the hundreds of little places Junji “highly recommends”, then drop in at the bar to give Hiyori their personal congratulations on his recently-announced engagement.  Of course, any well-wishes, no matter how impromptu, necessitate a toast, which requires Kazuki to order sake.  And since Gaku isn’t with them this evening, there’s no reason that one can’t become two, and two become three.  He moderates himself; his tolerance isn’t as strong as when he was managing bands.  Even so, when they finally head for the street, he’s got a nice little buzz going.

“Let me walk you home?” Junji offers.

Maybe it’s rather old fashioned, but his soulmate has consumed more alcohol that seems normal for him, and Junji will use any justification he can think of for more time together.

Kazuki doesn’t make any reply, but a few seconds later, his hand slips into Junji’s, fingers interlacing.

_That seems like a yes._

Their hands fit perfectly together, Kazuki notices: just as perfectly though in a completely different way than when he holds Gaku’s.

_Am I being selfish, wanting them both?  Could we even make that work?_

The worries and doubts and unanswered questions are all there, but the sake in his system is just enough to allow him to ignore them.  On the street, on the train, on the steps to his building, uncertainty is kerbed by the universal rightness of it all.  They pause at the entryway, stepping aside so they don’t block the door.  The tension mounts. 

_Who will make the first move?  Or will they both lose their nerve?_

“I….”

_I should get going._

“I really want to kiss you good night,” Junji admits softly, completely spellbound by his soulmate.  “But I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“I think it’s a wonderful idea,” Kazuki replies, leaning right in.

“Are you su-”

And then there’s no more space for talking.

Junji loves the feeling of Kazuki’s lip piercing pressed against his mouth.  It’s new and exciting and just perfect.  Intoxicating after so long without kisses, without genuine affection being reciprocated so sweetly.  In his mind, he can see just what that charming mouth looks like. 

And right behind the image appears the memory of Gaku’s pout, and the wonder if it feels the same when kissed.

_Shame on me, thinking of someone else when Kazuki’s in my arms._

“I should go,” Junji reluctantly acknowledges between kisses.

“You probably should,” Kazuki agrees without making the slightest move to let Junji go.

“I have an early morning tomorrow.”

“So do I.”

They are amazing kisses.  The sort that make Kazuki’s toes curl.  He wants them never to end.  He wants Gaku to feel them so he’ll have someone to gush to.  _Now that’s an unusual thought, isn’t it!_ He pushes it to the background for examination at a later time, returning his focus to Junji’s soft lips, skilful tongue, calloused fingers that have found their way under the hem of his shirt and are stroking along his lower spine. 

“I don’t want to go.”

“I don’t want you to either.”

So Junji doesn’t.  Somehow, it’s another fifteen minutes of kisses and unwilling goodbyes before Junji actually manages to extract himself from Kazuki’s grasp and forces himself back down the stairs onto the street.

“Sweet dreams,” Kazuki calls coyly.

“Oh the sweetest.  I’ll be dreaming of you.”

“Good night.”

“Oyasumi.”

Junji floats the entire way back to his flat, muscles carrying him along familiar roads while his head and heart soar somewhere amid the clouds.  Once safely at home, he flops fully clothed on the bed, lost in half-formed thoughts and memories and day dreams.  Most of them are wonderful.  Yet there’s one….

_I hope Gaku isn’t upset when he finds out._

He reaches into his pocket for his mobile.

 

 **To: Gaku**  
**Sweet dreams, Gakkun.**

 

Meanwhile, Kazuki curls up with the Hello Kitty plush, mind flitting from his soulmate to his boyfriend and back again.

_I wish one of them were here right now to hold me._

A rather melancholy thought to fall asleep to after what was the perfect end to their date.

 

 **To: My Honey**  
**Love you, Gacchan.**

 

One spontaneous text might have been dismissed; two in such quick succession is too suspicious.  Gaku figures out right away that things have changed between Kazuki and Junji.  And the weirdest thing is, he’s not sure which one he’s more jealous of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** The superstition in many Asian countries is that you sneeze when someone is talking about you behind your back.


	12. Daijoubu dayo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 大丈夫だよ  
> It’s okay

If he’d been asked, Gaku would have anticipated his one-on-one interactions with Junji dropping off once his relationship with Kazuki takes a turn.  After all, Gaku’s too insecure to let himself believe that Junji has been investing in their relationship for any purpose other than to placate Kazuki.  Sure, Junji _acts_ like he likes Gaku’s company; Junji _seems_ like he has fun when they are together, _appears_ to look forward to their next interaction.  But that can’t possibly be true, can it?  People don’t actually like Gaku.  Kazuki is the only exception, and Gaku still regularly questions why.

To his surprise, the texts and calls and invitations for ‘non-dates’ continue: in pairs and, when possible, as three.  (Finding time for all of them is still a challenge, as Kazuki’s mother continues to recuperate slowly, her broken wrist reluctant to mend.)  Gaku declines the first four without bothering to give a reason, and Junji accepts it, albeit in disappointment.  After the fifth time, Gaku’s a bit annoyed that the mechanic is continuing the farce and says as much.

  


**You got what you wanted.  You can stop with the pretence now.**

  


Junji isn’t sure what Gaku means by that because the younger man refuses to elaborate. But reading between the lines and judging by the increased moodiness Kazuki reports, Junji thinks Gaku has pieced together what happened between him and Kazuki, and probably reached all sorts of erroneous conclusions.

_We need to nip this in the bud._

If Gaku refuses to interact with him directly, Junji will use Kazuki as the intermediary.  He explains his suspicions to his soulmate and asks for help setting up a meeting so that they can clear the air.  Kazuki feels pretty guilty that he hasn’t told Gaku the truth about what’s happened between them already, so he readily agrees.

 

Three days later, Gaku walks right into the trap.  Junji’s work boots in the genkan alert him to the ambush, and if Kazuki hadn’t been right at his side steering him into the main room, he probably would have tried to flee.  Both Kazuki and Junji seem to realize this because once he’s inside, Junji positions himself directly in the path of escape.  Gaku finds it all bitterly hilarious, watching how overly careful the soulmates are about how long they look at one another, how close get when moving past one another.  Not to mention how awkwardly formal their speech has become.

“Would you care for tea?”

“Thank you but no.”

_If I hadn’t realized what was going on before, I sure as hell would’ve after today._

“Now Gacchan,” Kazuki begins, taking Gaku’s hand in his own and pulling him down onto the sofa, “The three of us need to have a serious talk”. 

Gaku doesn’t want to have a serious talk.  Hearts get broken in serious talks.  Therefore, it’s time to be completely _not_ serious.

“Are you two getting a divorce?” Gaku demands.

The sensible explanation Kazuki had all planned out is derailed in two short seconds.

“We… what?!”

“Are you getting a divorce?” Gaku repeats perfectly straight-faced, thoroughly enjoying Kazuki’s perplexed expression.  “I want a puppy if you are.  All of my friends in school whose parents got divorced got a new pet to soften the blow, and I want a puppy.  Fish are boring ‘cause you can’t pet them, and kitty litter smells bad.”

Kazuki still has no idea how to react to his boyfriend’s antics, but Junji has caught on to the game.  If Gaku needs some humour to lighten the tension, he’ll play along.

“I don’t know, Gakkun,” he says in feigned reluctance, easing down onto the cushion on Gaku’s opposite side.  “A puppy is a _lot_ of responsibility for someone your age.   You’ll have to feed it and take it out for walks twice a day.  No skipping just because you’re feeling too lazy to get out of bed or because it’s cold outside.”

“Juju, what…?” Kazuki sputters.

The grin on Junji’s face and the smirk on Gaku’s let Kazuki know he’s being pranked.

“You two make absolutely _no_ sense,” he huffs.

“About as much sense as _you_ make trying to slow walk me to the fact that you and Junji are hooking up now,” Gaku counters pointedly.  “As if I hadn’t already worked it out on my own with the two of you being all weird and shit.”

“We _didn’t_ hook up!” protests Kazuki weakly.  “We just….”

“Please spare me the details,” Gaku holds up a hand.  “Open and honest is all well and good, but there’s such a thing as over-sharing.”

He ignored the voice inside pressing for every intimate detail and refused to consider _why_ he might want to know.

“I think the point he was trying to make is that things haven’t progressed as… rapidly as you’re assuming,” Junji supplies.

“But they _have_ progressed.”

“Does that… upset you?” Kazuki ventures cautiously.

“Not really,” Gaku lies.  “I’ve been expecting it for weeks, so I’m not going to swoon in shock, if that’s what worries you.”

“This doesn’t change anything,” insists Kazuki naively.

Gaku actually snorts at him, and Junji can’t help but roll his eyes a little.

“It doesn’t change the way he feels about _you_ ,” the mechanic clarifies.  “Or the way I feel about you, for that matter.  We both still care about you and want to spend time with you.”

“Oh I see.  So this is the ‘you’re about to get a new brother or sister but mummy and daddy still wuv you’ speech, not the ‘we’re getting a divorce’ talk,” Gaku sarcastically remarks.  “Got it.”

Kazuki looks helplessly at Junji, struggling to formulate a reply to his boyfriend’s cynicism.  Deciding to use Gaku’s own nonsensical approach against him, Junji grabs the younger man around the waist and plants a sloppy wet kiss on his cheek.

“Yes, we still wuv you, Gakkun.  But that’s gonna change if you keep calling me ‘daddy’, ‘cause that is _not_ on my list of kinks.”

Gaku squirms wildly, trying to escape Junji’s grasp with no luck.  The more he wiggles, the tighter Junji holds, even digging his thumbs into Gaku’s ribs a bit to tickle him.

“Lemme go; lemme go!” he cries.  “You have a _list_ of kinks?!  Dirty old man.  Let me go!”

The whole scene is just so absurd that before he quite realizes it, Kazuki is laughing: soft merry laughter bubbling up from within him like water out of a spring.  And the laughter is contagious.  Gaku’s protests reach a fevered pitch as he cackles and screeches, and Junji continues his torment of their youngest while adding his own mirth to the afternoon’s music.

“I… swear if you…d-don’t stop… I’m gonna… w-wet myself!” Gaku gasps.

Junji finally relents on the tickles, but he keeps tight hold of Gaku while the laughter subsides.  Once things have calmed back down a bit, he gives Gaku another squeeze: this one purely affectionate.

“Joking aside, Gakkun.  Please stop ignoring me.”

Junji’s chin is resting on Gaku’s shoulder, voice murmuring right into his ear.  It makes him want to squirm for entirely different reasons.

“Stop doubting Kazuki’s love for you.  Stop listening to that voice that’s telling you that we don’t want you around.  We do.  _I_ do.”

“So do I,” Kazuki assures.  “In fact…”

He reaches under the sofa and produces a small box covered in striped paper.

“Open it.”

“Can I have my arms back?” Gaku asks Junji, once again attempting to break free of the mechanic’s hold.

“Nope.  Your hands work just fine at this angle.”

Gaku grumbles under his breath, awkwardly taking the box and ripping open the package with an exaggerated amount of difficulty.  Inside is single key nestled on a strip of bubble wrap.

“A key?” he remarks.  “To what exactly?”

“Here,” says Kazuki. 

Gaku doesn’t make the connection right away, so Junji gives a little nod of encouragement for Kazuki to go on.

“I want you to move in with me.  I’ve wanted you to move in with me for months, and I’ve finally realized that the more time I spend waiting for the perfect moment to ask is just time I’ve wasted not having you here.”

Gaku can’t quite believe what he’s hearing.

“But I thought… aren’t the two of you…?  What about Juju?”

Actually getting to hear Gaku use that nickname makes Junji’s insides feel all warm and fuzzy.

“Juju is entirely in favour of it,” he insists, trying to be cute by speaking of himself in third person.  “ _And_ has even offered his services helping to carry boxes.  ‘To be a pack mule’ as it were.”

“Dork,” Gaku remarks affectionately, rolling his eyes.

Kazuki smiles.

“So is that a ‘yes’?”

Because Gaku still can’t move properly, he lifts Kazuki’s hand to his lips.

“It’s a ‘lemme think about it for a few days’,” he corrects.

“Be right back,” Junji says, finally letting go and removing himself to the washroom.

Once he’s gone, Gaku leans over for a proper kiss, pouring all of his love and gratitude into it.  Junji gives them a good fifteen minutes before he’s decided he’d better sneak out before they start removing clothes.

 

A week later, and Gaku still hasn’t given Kazuki an answer.  He’s _so_ close to saying ‘yes’, but there’s still a seed of doubt nagging at him.  He tosses and turns in bed, mulling over everything until finally it’s too much.  With a grunt, he makes a grab for his phone.

 

**To: Juju**  
**You really wouldn’t mind?**

**Mind what?**

**Don’t play dumb.  I mean me moving in.**

**Not in the slightest.**

**I do NOT get that.**

**I want you both to be happy.**  
**You make each other happy.**  
**What’s so confusing about that?**

Gaku shakes his head.  Can it _really_ be that simple?

**You’re too good to be true, Juju.**

**That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me, Gacchan.**

**…dork**

**Let me know what afternoon I need off to help with the move.**

**I haven’t decided yet.**

**Yes, you have.**

**How do you know?**

**If your answer were “no”, you wouldn’t have texted me in the first place.**

**Shut up. (︶︹︶)**

**♡ ( ˘ε˘ )**  
**BTW, don’t forget we’re meeting at 11 Saturday morning.**

***sigh***  
**You’ve already reminded me twice.**

**I don’t want you to sleep through our non-date again.**

**OMG that was ONE TIME!**  
**I’m totally ignoring you now.**

**Good luck with that.**

**…**

**Oyasumi!**

 

Gaku’s uncertainty about his boyfriend’s increased intimacy with his soulmate doesn’t vanish right away, not even after he agrees to Kazuki’s proposal.  Nor does the awkwardness between Junji and Kazuki whenever they are in Gaku’s vicinity.  He knows it’s the result of them trying to be considerate of his feelings, so he only mocks them when they get particularly ludicrous.  They truly _do_ try to be considerate.  They’ll sometimes hold hands or exchange kisses to the cheek, but it’s always discrete and usually followed by one or both of them glomming onto Gaku soon afterward.  When Kazuki does it, it feels like an apology; when it’s Junji… it’s more like a promise.  A hint at things that could be if only.

Gaku doesn’t allow himself to think about “if only” for more than a heartbeat.  That kind of thinking could get him into a lot of trouble.


	13. Sukitooru aozora miagenagara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 透き通る青空見上げながら  
> While looking up through the clear blue sky

Gaku is sitting on the steps to their building, slowly smoking his way through the solitary cigarette he’s allowed himself for the day, waiting for Junji to arrive.  He’s rather proud of himself that he’s been able to cut back so much in just four months.  The beautiful smile on Kazuki’s face when his kisses don’t taste like nicotine is reward enough, but even Junji has complimented him on the progress he’s made.  And while Junji is the sort of guy to be incredibly encouraging and supportive, he doesn’t throw around insincere praise.

If someone had told Gaku six months ago that approval from his boyfriend’s soulmate would have his chest swelling with pride, Gaku probably would have cursed at them.  However, it just so happens that Gaku has begun to care very much what Junji thinks.  He wants Junji’s attention, craves his good opinion.  It’s almost as important to him as having Kazuki’s admiration.  He pretends he doesn’t know why that’s the case.

The harsh growl of an engine draws his thoughts away from his contemplation, and a few seconds later, a shiny motorcycle appears around the corner.  He knows right away that it’s Junji just by the posture of the body.

_I didn’t know Juju had a bike._

Gaku tosses the cigarette butt in the nearest bin and stands up, dusting off the backside of his jeans as he waits for Junji to come to a stop at the curb.  As soon as he does, he flips up the visor on his helmet grinning like an idiot and shoves a second helmet, previously hidden somewhere behind him, in Gaku’s direction.

“Climb on,” he orders.

“The hell I will,” Gaku retorts even as he takes the helmet from Junji’s hands.

He would rather die than admit it, but the bike intimidates him a little.  Oh sure, it’s totally bad- ass looking at it from the safety of the street; but he’s seen enough of those collision video clips to know how easy it is to slip off, to lose control and end up smeared across the pavement or thrown half- way across the prefecture if struck by another vehicle at high speeds.  And death isn’t nearly as appealing an idea as it used to be when he was young and miserable.

“Come on,” Junji coaxes.  “You couldn’t ask for more perfect weather.  And I _know_ you’re the kind of boy who will love a good motor thrumming between his legs.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Gaku challenges.  “Are you calling me a slut!”

Junji is more than used to Gaku’s feigned indignation by this point and doesn’t fall for it.

“It _means_ … climb on!”

Gaku rolls his eyes.  But he puts on the helmet.

“If you get me killed, I am going to haunt you for your next nine lives,” he threatens, awkwardly climbing on behind Junji.

“Whatever you say, Gakkun.  Hold tight.”

Gaku doesn’t particularly _want_ to hold on tight.  If he does, Junji might feel how his hands are trembling.  But when Junji revs the engine, his body reacts without his permission, arms tightening around Junji’s waist, hands clutching at the cotton shirt over his muscular abdomen.  Junji gives the back of Gaku’s hand a reassuring pat before checking over his shoulder and easing them out into traffic.

From Junji’s perspective, it’s an amazing feeling: the contented purr of a well-tuned machine under him and the thrill of a warm body pressed against his back.  He almost wishes they didn’t have to wear helmets so that he could let Gaku rest his chin on his shoulder, but safety is more important.  This is obviously the first time Gaku has ever been out on a motorcycle; Junji can feel his grip tighten whenever another vehicle gets too close for his comfort and when he realizes that Junji is headed out onto the expressway.  Still, it isn’t long before the tension begins to melt away as Gaku acclimatizes to the sensation of the bike beneath him and becomes more confident in Junji’s abilities.

Actually, the easing tension is the result of Gaku closing his eyes for a few seconds.  Counter-intuitively, when he can’t see what’s coming and can only _feel_ , things become a lot less frightening.  He enjoys the way the wind caresses his skin, likes the solid comfort of Junji’s body so close to his.  And he definitely enjoys the steady buzz the machine is sending through him.  If he thinks about it too much – how that buzz is concentrated right between his legs – he will make things very awkward for himself.  So he reluctantly opens his eyes and tries looking around a little.  They are headed southwest along the coast; the sun glistening on the water makes for a spectacular view.

“Wow, that’s gorgeous,” he murmurs.

“Yep, I love this stretch of road,” Junji’s voice sounds in his ear.

“What the hell; you can hear me?!” Gaku squawks, causing Junji to chuckle.

“Helmets have intercom.”

“You could have _said_ so,” chides Gaku, giving Junji a little pinch along his waistband. 

“Worried you might have said something I shouldn’t hear?” teases Junji without the slightest flinch at the punishment.

_Worried you heard me freaking out._

“Where exactly are you taking me anyway?” Gaku deflects.

“One of my favourite places,” Junji replies elusively. 

“Gee, thanks.  _That_ narrows it down.  Half of the city is ‘your favourite place’ for something or other.”

“Just relax and enjoy the ride, Gacchan,” Junji orders, refusing to say more no matter how much Gaku whines or pouts.

 

As it so happens, Junji’s “favourite place” is only about an hour south of the city.  Gaku’s no more than started to feel like he’s really got a hang of this whole motorcycle-riding deal when they pull over at a small rest area and park.  There are numerous picnic tables near a steep drop- off, and Junji halts the bike as close to the edge as the paved lot will allow.

“ _This_ is your favourite spot?” Gaku questions sceptically, wobbling a little bit once his feet are back on solid, non-vibrating ground.

“Nope!” Junji replies unhelpfully, thoroughly enjoying the younger man’s confusion. 

From the saddle bag, Junji hands Gaku a small bento and a bottle of water.

“Here you go.”

 “A picnic?” Gaku teases.  “I never figured you for the sappy romantic type.”

Junji grins at him.

“Shut up; it’s not a picnic.  It’s just cheap conbini food because I figured you’d get hungry.  If you don’t want it, I’ll eat them both.”

“What’s in yours?” Gaku asks, crowding into Junji’s personal space.

“Uh… tuna, I think.”

“I want that one!”

Gaku grabs it out of Junji’s hand, shoving the unwanted bento back at him before running away to escape whatever retaliation the older man might conceive.

“Oy, you brat!” Junji calls affectionately, taking a swipe at Gaku as he darts away but not the least bit intent on catching him.

It turns out that once they cross from the pavement into the grassy area, guests are afforded a spectacular view of a beach and the ocean below. 

“ _That_ ,” Junji indicates a small cluster of buildings near the water’s edge, “Is my favourite spot.  And that’s where we’re headed once we’ve eaten.”

Gaku doesn’t have to ask why they didn’t wait to have lunch until they’d reached the town; who wouldn’t want to enjoy the wide panorama first!

They sit on the picnic table, feet on the bench like a pair of hooligans, bumping shoulders, stealing bites of each other’s food, and watching the surfers expertly navigating the waves.

“How’d you find this place?” Gaku asks around a mouthful of rice.

“See that little structure down there near the pier?” Junji points.

Gaku rests his face right alongside Junji’s hand and squints in the direction his finger is pointing.

“Ma-aybe?”

Junji shakes his head.

“We’ve gotta get you some glasses, Babe.”

Gaku’s stomach wriggles pleasantly at the nickname.

“Anyhow, there’s a small place at the end of the pier where people can rent surf boards and snorkelling equipment.  It’s owned by a good friend of my boss.  The first time I took my bike out with Suzuki-san, this is the way we came.”

“Do you surf?” Gaku asks.

Junji gives him a wry smile.

“ _Not_ well,” he admits.  “I don’t have the balance for it.”

“I’ve never tried,” Gaku says almost wistfully.  “Looks like fun, though.”

“Well, how about the next time we have a free weekend, we come back so you can try it?  I think Shiroyama-san gives lessons to beginners.”

The way Gaku’s eyes sparkle makes Junji feel light-headed.

“Really?!”

“Sure, why not!” Junji says.  “Life’s short.  So if there’s something you wanna try, go for it.”

There are all sorts of things that Gaku wants to try, but for now, he won’t permit himself to carry that thought further than the food and the surfing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** Juju's [motorcycle](http://www.motorera.com/honda/h0750/vt750c2/vt750c2-08d1.jpg).  
>  **2)** Three guesses who Suzuki-san and Shiroyama-san might be. I had to do it.  
>  **3)** Looks like [Tsujido](http://gocamperjapan.com/surfing-near-tokyo-in-shonan/), a popular surfing spot, is only about an hour away from downtown Tokyo. I'm trying to be semi-accurate, but I've had to take some liberties with the lay of the land. Chalk it up to artistic license.


	14. Iro de waraereba ii no sa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 色で笑えればいいのさ  
> Laugh in your own colour

It’s another twenty minute drive down to the town, mostly because Junji takes a later exit and back roads to avoid traffic.

_Not like we’re in a rush anyhow_ , he thinks, perfectly content to feel the wind in his face and Gaku’s arms around him.

The only way it could be any better is if somehow someone built a motorcycle for three and Kazuki were with them.  Poor Kazuki, stuck in a doctor’s office with his mother.

_I hope her wrist has finally healed properly._

“Remind me to text Kazu-chan once we find a place to park.”

Gaku gives him a pat over the heart because it seems like the mechanic just read his mind.

 

It’s a quaint town – obviously geared toward tourists from the city, yet not _so_ touristy that it seems like no one actually lives there.

“You definitely need to bring Kazumoru out here.  He’d love it.”

“Next time,” Junji nods.  “We’ll make sure he can come with us next time.”

_Why is it that “us” sounds so good?_ Gaku wonders.

But the thought doesn’t go any further because he’s suddenly preoccupied pointing out an empty parking space he’s noticed about a block away.  Junji swings into the empty spot before anyone else can claim it.

“Good catch!” he praises.

“See?  I don’t need glasses,” Gaku mutters as he tugs off the helmet and checks his hair in the visor’s reflection.

Junji doesn’t give him long to primp.  Ten seconds at most, then he’s catching the younger man by the wrist and leading him off.  Given Gaku’s enthusiasm for the prospect of learning to surf, their first stop is Shiroyama-san’s place at the end of the pier.

“Superstar Surf, Scuba, & Snorkel?” Gaku reads the sign sceptically.  “That’s the best name they could think of?”

“What’s wrong with it?” Junji asks, holding open the door.  “It’s simple, easy to remember, gets the point across.”

“I dunno; it just seems kinda…?”

He doesn’t finish the thought as he steps over the threshold to an enthusiastic “Welcome to Superstar Surf!” from an employee.

Gaku eyes her appraisingly.  University student probably, athletic build, sun- kissed skin bronzed by plenty of time on the waves… and from the expression on her face, she’s more than a little interested in Junji.  Gaku frowns.

_Oh no you don’t,_ he thinks loudly at her.  _He’s mine!  Ours.  Kazuki’s and mine.  Well, technically just Kazuki’s.  What the hell am I feeling jealous for!_

He turns away, ready to redirect his irritation to Junji if he sees so much as a glimmer of appreciation in the older man’s eyes.  Fortunately for everyone involved, Junji’s too busy admiring the elaborately painted surf boards hanging from the ceiling to spare the young woman more than a fleeting smile.

“Is Shiroyama-san here today?”

“He’s with a student right now,” she answers.  “Did you have an appointment?”

“No, I just wanted to show him the place,” Junji points over his shoulder at Gaku.  “You do offer surf lessons, right?”

The girl nods eagerly and ducks down under the counter for a moment.

“Here’s the pamphlet with all Sensei’s information,” she hands over a glossy tri-fold, which Gaku quickly claims.  “Prices are listed on the back.”

He glances over it, more caught up in the layout and design as someone who works in a printing shop than the content, especially once he sees said price list.

“Weekends tend to fill up pretty quickly,” she explains, “So if you’re coming from out of town, it’s best to check the website and make a reservation in advance.  There’s a ¥2500 non-refundable reservation fee.”

Junji reads over Gaku’s shoulder.

“Is that an additional charge, or does it come out of…?”

“No, it’s credited against the lesson fee.”

Shiroyama-san is well out of Gaku’s price range, so he slides the pamphlet back onto the countertop in disappointment.

“Thanks all the same, but…”

“We’ll be sure to fill everything out online,” Junji interrupts, reclaiming the literature and tucking it into his back pocket.  “Tell Sensei that Suzuki-san says he’s still waiting on his muscle milk.”

“Er… sure?” the girl nods.

With a perplexed look, Gaku follows Junji back onto the street.

“Now what should we do?” Junji asks himself, glancing up and down the street.

“Here.  Let me throw that away,” Gaku says, grabbing the tri-fold.

“Oy!  Don’t pick-pocket!” Junji takes hold of Gaku’s wrist and retrieves the pamphlet.  “I won’t remember what the website is if you toss it in the bin.”

He gives the back of Gaku’s hand a playful smack and makes his way back to the motorcycle to secure the paper in the saddlebag.

“It doesn’t matter, Juju,” Gaku tries to explain.  “¥2500 is a lot of money just for….”

“Is that what you’re worried about?” Junji chides.  “You’re a friend of a friend of the instructor; I’m sure he’ll give us a discount.  Besides, if it’s something you really want to try, I’m more than happy to pay for the lessons.  I needed an idea of what to get you for your birthday anyhow.”

“I prefer to pay my own way,” Gaku denies.  “And you don’t have to get my anything for my birthday.”

“I’m aware that I don’t _have to_.  And I happen to enjoy treating you to things.  It’s nice to spend money on something other than bills once in a while.”

“Why do you remember when my birthday is anyhow?” Gaku asks, suddenly suspicious.

“Because it’s the opposite of mine,” Junji explains with an easy shrug.  “One eleven.  Eleven one.”

“I guess that’s true.”

“Come on.  We can argue about this later.”

With that Junji drags him off down the street.

They spend the early afternoon wandering around the shops along the main street.  As usual, Junji is greeted over and over again by owners and employees alike.  It’s unnerving to Gaku how _friendly_ everyone is, and how they all take an immediate liking to him simply because he’s with Junji.  For the most part, he just smiles and nods, letting his companion do the majority of the talking, since he’s very much out of his element and sultry Kai the stripper probably wouldn’t be welcome.  Though he does weigh in when Junji asks for his opinion on what they ought to get Kazuki by way of a “we were thinking of you” souvenir.

It’s not the only purchase Junji makes.  Two pair of board-shorts and a couple cheap towels later, Gaku allows Junji to talk him into playing in the water despite it being early October.  Neither of them wants to outright _swim_ , because sand in the hair is a pain, but there’s plenty of fun to be had just running through the waves splashing one another like a pair of overgrown kids. 

And the additional exposed skin is a bonus… for both of them.  Junji knew about the navel ring, but his mouth goes a little dry when he catches a glimpse of pink butterfly wings peeking out from Gaku’s waistband.

“Perving on my tramp stamp?” Gaku jokes.

“No!” Junji denies too quickly to be an honest response, then splashes Gaku unmercifully when the younger man laughs at him.

 

Once the sun begins to set and the air takes on more of the expected early autumn chill, they dry themselves, change back into their regular clothes, and turn their thoughts to their empty stomachs.

“I hope you don’t mind seafood two meals in a row.  Not that there’s any comparison between conbini bento tuna and what they grill fresh here.  It’s… oh!”

Junji stops, turning to glance sheepishly at Gaku who stares at him expectantly.

“Grilled fish is fine,” Gaku offers.

“It’s… I’m so sorry I didn’t think about it earlier.  This place serves the best food in town, but… it’s… a bar.  A pretty rowdy one this time of year, too.  Maybe,” he glances up and down the street looking for an alternative, “Maybe somewhere else would be a better idea.”

At that moment, Gaku thinks that Junji is too adorable for words.

“You’re sweet,” he chuckles, clutching onto Junji’s elbow and continuing down the walkway.  “Thank you for caring, but it’s not going to be an issue.  Drinking was my coping mechanism when I was miserable, and today, I’m as far from miserable as a guy can get.  I won’t say the idea of having one won’t cross my mind, but I will have no trouble ignoring the urge, I promise you.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

For once, there’s no sarcasm from Gaku at all.  Even so, Junji asks for a table at the corner of bar’s covered porch, as far from the alcohol as they can get, using the great ocean view as a convenient excuse. 

While perusing the menu, Junji offers to pretend he didn’t see if Gaku would like a smoke, which causes Gaku to smirk.

“No, I’ll be a good boy.”

Junji covers the “I doubt that” that escapes him with a terrible fake cough and a ten minute lecture about every item on the menu that he’s tried – which is most of them – and that he recommends – which is all of them.  In the end, Gaku lets Junji order for him, and Junji asks the owner for “whatever’s freshest”.  A bit risky, perhaps, but Junji is right: there’s no comparing conbini tuna to fresh anago tempura.

They are both just a _little_ too full by the time they’ve finished eating, so Gaku insists that he needs some time to “digest” before getting back on the motorcycle.  Junji retrieves the less damp of their towels and leads Gaku back down toward the now-empty beach. 

It’s a romantic view: the twinkling stars and moonlight shimmering over the water.  Yet, for once Gaku doesn’t want to spoil the mood by pointing that out.  Doesn’t feel like teasing.  He’s content to sit with Junji on the towel, bare toes wiggling in the rapidly cooling sand.

“Thanks for today.  I always wanted to come to the beach when I was a kid,” he confesses absently.  “Not that the asshole would have brought me if I’d asked.”

“Well now you don’t need anyone’s permission to come,” Junji reasons, hoping to steer Gaku away from any anger that might ruin the atmosphere.  “And I’m more than happy to bring you down here any time you want to come.”

It’s obvious he means it, and that fact makes Gaku’s heart soar. 

_Who would ever have expected such a thing from a boyfriend’s soulmate?_

“You’re too sweet to me, Juju,” he chides, flopping back with his hands behind his head to stare up at the sky, wide grin on his face.

Junji follows him back, leaning on his elbows.  But while Gaku is gazing at the moon, Junji is observing the way the moonlight plays over Gaku’s features.  

“Not too sweet,” he denies quietly.  “Just the way you deserve to be treated.”

It’s all Junji can do to keep from leaning over and kissing him.  He wants to.  Gods, yes, does he want to taste those lips!  But he shouldn’t.  Things are complicated enough without starting an affair with his soulmate’s boyfriend.  Not that that’s all it would be, and he realizes that.  Recognizes the same protective instinct, the same warm devotion he feels toward Kazuki making his heart ache as he’s staring at Gaku.

_Shit.  I’m in love!_

“W-we should… probably head back.”

Gaku’s not thrilled with the idea until he remembers that it means more than an hour that he can be pressed right against Junji’s back all warm and secure.

“Okay.”

The drive home isn’t nearly long enough in Gaku’s opinion, and is far too long for Junji’s conscience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** This fic was supposed to be short. And yet somehow I'm pushing 30k words.  
>  **2)** Gacchan's [navel ring](http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31700000/Gaku-fest-vainqueur-31767535-281-500.jpg) is pretty obvious, but it's a challenge to find pics of his tattoo. [Here](https://68.media.tumblr.com/8e57934ab16baa668929694d76dfe499/tumblr_ou45wnn6HN1uw17pbo2_400.jpg) are the [best](https://68.media.tumblr.com/bd1d579e4c9b44fe9dd199b1d511e05f/tumblr_mnerdo9WsV1rbewrio1_500.jpg) ones I could find.  
>  **3)** Anago is salt-water eel. Not as well known as unagi, which is fresh-water, but apparently quite delicious.


	15. Oso sugiru koto wa nai nodakara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 遅すぎる事はないのだから  
> Because it is not too late

Gaku has a suspiciously easy time talking Junji out of the surfing lessons.  All it takes is mentioning the possibility that Kazuki might feel left out if they spend every free day they have at the beach.  Gaku’s ready to argue the point further, only to have Junji frown and say “maybe you’re right.”

Meeting with so little resistance doesn’t feel like a victory.

Then there’s the change in tone of Junji’s texts.  The words are still exactly the same: “Sleep well”, “Have you eaten?”, “I’ll see you tomorrow”.  The emotion behind the words, however, is entirely different.  There’s no playful banter, no care-free liveliness.  Instead, Junji’s texts seem… melancholy?

_Did I do something wrong?_

It’s not just Gaku.  A few days later Kazuki arrives home with a vase of sunflowers that were delivered to his office.

“What’s the occasion?” asks Gaku, taking the flowers from his boyfriend’s hand so that Kazuki can remove his shoes.

“I have no idea,” Kazuki admits.  “If I were a woman, I’d think he was trying to apologize for something.”

“Well, he _is_ used to dating women,” Gaku reasons, setting the arrangement on the table and adding a little fresh water.  “What would he be apologizing for?”

“I have no idea.  Has he said anything to you?”

“Nothing.  But I doubt he would.  He knows I’d take your side in any argument,” jokes Gaku to hide his uneasiness.

_Did he take it the wrong way when I said Kazu might feel left out?  Is he feeling guilty?_

“You could ask him?”

Kazuki wraps himself around his boyfriend and stares at the flowers thoughtfully.

“When I sent him the ‘thank- you’, I did.”

“And?”

“He just said ‘Because I love you’.”

Oh, that stings!  And Gaku has a sinking feeling he knows why it does.

“I guess some guys do send flowers just because.  And Juju’s such a sweetheart, he would be that type,” Kazuki muses.  “Even so, it’s….”

“Weird,” Gaku finishes for him.

“Totally weird,” agrees Kazuki.

They stand silently for a while, each lost in his own thoughts.

“I’m sure he’ll tell us when he’s ready,” Gaku says eventually.  “Juju’s not the sort to keep secrets.”

Kazuki gives Gaku an affectionate kiss on the cheek.

“I’m so glad the two of you are friends now.”

Gaku just nods.  But if the warmth in his chest is any indication, his attachment to Junji is well beyond friendship at this point.

 ~~~~

The rest of October is frustrating.  Junji is swamped with work at the mechanic’s shop.  Thanks in large part to Tomoya’s glowing praise, all of the label’s vehicles are now serviced by Suzuki Body Shop.  With the influx of steady repair jobs, everyone’s schedule is packed.  They’re even able to bump Mitsuki back to full-time hours, which causes meN no shortage of frustration.  Unfortunately, it also means no real opportunity to confront Junji and find out what’s bothering him.

Junji isn’t the only one over-worked.  The end of the year rapidly approaching means countless in-stores, lives, and meet-n-greets to coordinate.  Lots of events require lots of printed materials.  Gaku and Kazuki barely have the energy for a good-night smooch before they collapse into bed each night.  Life flies by so quickly that before anyone quite realizes how, Halloween has arrived.

  


Junji’s at home alone that Saturday afternoon, feeling rather sorry for himself.  He wants to be with Gaku and Kazuki, but he’s not sure whether that’s a good idea.  His feelings for Gaku haven’t diminished in the slightest from that romantic night on the beach; if anything, they are stronger now than ever, having been so much apart recently.  Every bit as strong as his devotion to his soulmate. 

_And I thought things were complicated when we first met._

What isn’t complicated is the need to be with the ones his heart belongs to, even if it’s awkward.  Awkwardness is much better than loneliness.

**To: Kazu-chan**  
**What are you doing?**

**Baking Gacchan a birthday cake.**

It’s such an adorably domestic answer that Junji actually says “AWW!” aloud.

**Come over if you want some.**  
**I can’t promise it will last until tomorrow the way Gaku eats.**

He wants to so badly.  Yet….

**I wouldn’t want to ruin your afternoon together.**

**How could your presence ruin it?!**  
**Gakkun is right. You’re acting really weird lately.**

Junji sighs.  That’s not good if they have noticed a change in his behaviour.  Now he _has_ to go, just so he can pretend everything is normal.

**Gimme 15.**

  


To Junji’s surprise, Kazuki greets him at the door with a ganache- sweetened kiss.

“Is Gaku out?” Junji enquires.

He doesn’t usually receive such an enthusiastic greeting when their youngest is around.  Not that he minds.  It’s been far too long since he’s been able to kiss Kazuki.

“Napping,” explains Kazuki.  “I guess having to wait for things to cool before you’re allowed to eat them is boring.”

That sounds about right.  Gaku _would_ be the sort to try sneaking bites of a cake still hot from the oven.  Junji can feel the sappy, love-sick smile he’s wearing, and tries unsuccessfully to wipe it away by distracting himself.

“D-do you need help with it?  I’m not much of a baker, but I can stir… something.”

Kazuki gives him another lingering kiss and shakes his head.

“Everything’s ready.  I’m just waiting for it to cool so the whipped cream won’t melt."

He leads Junji by the hand into the main room.

“I’m glad you came over.  I was worried you were going to make up some weak excuse to avoid us.”

“W-why would I avoid you?” Junji asks, rather embarrassed by his soulmate’s powers of prediction.

“Because something’s been on your mind lately that you’re not telling us about,” Kazuki replies.  “At least, you’re not telling _me_ about it.  If you told Gaku, he’s pretending like he doesn’t know.”

Junji grimaces.  They _did_ notice.  How is he supposed to escape the topic now?

“What’s wrong, Juju?” Kazuki coaxes, scooting closer to his soulmate.  “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Kazuki rests his head on Junji’s shoulder, and for a few minutes, the mechanic just soaks up the wonderful feeling of his soulmate in his arms: his warmth, his scent, his comforting presence.  It _ought_ to be absolutely perfect, and yet it feels as though something’s missing.  Someone is missing.

“I love you so much,” he murmurs against Kazuki’s hair.

Kazuki’s arm twines around Junji’s hip.

“I hope you don’t think that’s something wrong,” Kazuki half-teases.  “Because I love you, too, you know.”

“I know,” Junji returns.  “And no, there’s nothing wrong with that at all.  Nothing’s ever felt so right.  Except….”

That single word and the heavy pause that follows have Kazuki’s stomach tied in knots. 

“Except?”

_Just tell me already!_

“Except I think I’ve also fallen in love with Gaku,” confesses Junji softly.

  


Gaku’s not sure what awakened him from his nap: the delicious smell of melted chocolate or the low hum of voices from the other room.  He lies in the bed, cosy and relaxed, only vaguely aware of the world around him.  That is, until the words coming from the other room finally burrow their way through the drowsy haze into his brain.

_Fallen in love with Gaku._

Now that’s a phrase to set him wide awake in an instant.  Particularly when that familiar voice is the one saying it.

_Junji!_

Junji is in love with him?  Oh thank the gods he’s not the only one who has been feeling the magic between them.  But what about Kazuki?  How is his boyfriend going to react?

Quietly as he can, Gaku slips back the covers and crawls across the floor toward the open bedroom door.

  


Kazuki is silent for several minutes, thinking.

_How does he feel about his soulmate being in love with his boyfriend?_

Well, he wanted a way to keep them both.  This is the perfect solution, isn’t it?  Having his cake and eating it too.  He glances wryly toward the kitchen – _no pun intended_!  He can have two relationships, and the men he loves can have each other when he doesn’t have the time.  Now isn’t _that_ a selfish thought!  Assuming, of course, that they are willing to keep him around, since he’s been so absent lately.

“Kazuki?”

Junji’s worried voice brings him out of his own thoughts.

“I didn’t mean to fall for him.  I’m sorry I….”

“I fell for him too,” Kazuki reasons, “I can’t fault you for feeling the same things that I do.”

Junji shakes his head.

“But he’s _yours_ , not mine, and I….”

Even as the words are leaving Junji’s lips he realizes how stupid they sound.

“He’s _mine_?” Kazuki softly chides.  “We aren’t school children fighting over a toy.”

“No, we’re not,” Junji agrees with a sigh.  “We’re adults living a very unexpected version of life.”

Kazuki presses a comforting kiss to Junji’s cheek.

_Unexpected indeed!_

“I’m guessing you haven’t said anything to him.”

“How can I!  He’s finally started to regain his sense of security about the two of you.  If I say something, and he doesn’t feel the same?  If he takes it the wrong way, I could ruin things for all three of us.  Besides, I wouldn’t want you to think that I….”

“Whatever it is you think I’ll think, I won’t,” Kazuki reassures.  “We don’t choose whom we fall in love with any more than we choose our soulmates.  And loving you hasn’t diminished what I feel for him in the slightest, so why would you loving him lessen what you feel for me?”

“Then, my feelings for him don’t bother you?”

Again, Kazuki pauses to think.  He doesn’t want to give a flippant answer to such an important question.

“No, I don’t think they do.  If you’d fallen in love with just anyone it might have been… a bit painful.  But this is Gaku we’re talking about.  Who could appreciate why someone would fall for him more than I can?”

  


In the bedroom, Gaku practically has to smother himself with a pillow to keep from shouting.  Junji loves him!  And Kazuki is willing to accept that Junji loves him!  Somehow he has earned the hearts of not one, but _two_ amazing, gorgeous, _perfect_ men.  And he’ll be damned if he’s going to keep hiding in the bedroom eavesdropping when he could be with them!

  


Kazuki is just saying, “I really think you ought to tell him,” when Gaku appears in the doorway.

“That won’t be necessary.”

Before either man on the sofa can react, Gaku is across the room sliding into their laps.  It’s slightly awkward, but he manages to straddles the knees they have pressed together, half-way on each of them.  Kazuki figures out immediately what Gaku is planning to do, so he shifts back a little to give his boyfriend the room he needs, hand at his spine to help him balance.

Junji just gapes wide-eyed as his lap is invaded.

 _Why is Gaku awake?!  Why is he sitting on_ _Junji?  Why is his hand sliding up into Junji’s hair and tilting his head back?  Why is he…?_

“You know,” Gaku purrs, “For an old guy, you don’t have nearly the confidence I would have expected.  Good thing for you, I don’t mind being the one to make the first move when I find someone I want.”

Whatever retort Junji is about to make gets lost as two eager lips claim his. 

Kazuki experiences an unexpected sort of flutter in his heart as he watches his boyfriend sensually kissing his soulmate.  It’s sweet.  Heady.  Beautiful.

_They are so beautiful together._

“If you break my heart, I’ll kick your ass,” Gaku threatens against Junji’s mouth.

That makes both Kazuki and Junji grin.

“Seems fair.”

  


Gaku’s twenty-third birthday is the best he’s ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** In [Hanakotoba](http://blogs.japanesepod101.com/blog/2009/08/06/advanced-japanese-lesson-%E5%90%91%E6%97%A5%E8%91%B5%E3%81%B2%E3%81%BE%E3%82%8F%E3%82%8A%EF%BC%9Bsunflower/), the Japanese flower language, sunflowers bear the connotation of passionate and singularly-focused love.


	16. Sonna hibi ga irodzuku no wa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> そんな日々が色づくのは  
> The days are becoming coloured  
> 

By any rational consideration, balancing two relationships ought to be more difficult than managing one; yet, the shift between Junji and Gaku from friends to lovers removes a massive weight from their collective shoulders.  Junji loses the guilt hanging over his head for thinking of someone besides his soulmate; Kazuki no longer feels greedy for wanting them both; Gaku’s worries about losing the best thing that’s ever happened to him begin to fade.  After all, he now has _two_ “best things ever to happen to him”.

Junji effortlessly finds his place as part of the family during their end-of-the-year festivities.  He allows Kazuki and Gaku to decide what to do about Christmas; they decide on a romantic dinner for three and an evening of passing kisses back and forth.  As New Year’s Eve approaches, he volunteers to help Kazuki with the traditional cleaning, since his mother is so frail, while Gaku is in charge of preparing all of the traditional foods.  That night, they huddle together in the frosty light of the full moon listening to the temple bells ring with full hearts. 

Winter has never been so wonderful for any of them.  Their relationships progress, growing and strengthening each other as their affection deepens.  Group activities continue, but intimacy is naturally a one-on-one thing.  For Junji especially, it’s important that he be able to focus all of his love and attention on just one of his boyfriends at a time; they deserve that.  And he deserves the opportunity to immerse himself in their whole-hearted adoration as well.

Some details they share afterwards; some they keep to themselves.  But it’s never out of guilt, and it never feels like harbouring secrets.  Gaku, in particular, is surprised at how okay he is with _not_ knowing what’s happening between his boyfriends.  Before, he avoided specifics because they hurt.  Now, it’s as if they don’t matter.  Kazuki loves him; Junji loves him.  So it’s okay that they love each other too.

Gaku is happy; Kazuki is happy; Junji is happy.

 

So naturally, Fate comes along to stir up trouble.

~~~~

Kazuki is sitting in one of the larger conference rooms, trying to pay attention as the department head drones on about second quarter projections, when his phone buzzes: his mother.

_Oh, this can’t be good. Please not another broken bone!_

 

Gaku is having a rather boring day himself, spot editing some of the photographs for Lycaon’s latest single.  They look great on matte paper, but on the glossy posters, there’s an annoying halo effect around the band members’ pupils that makes them look high.

_The last thing we need is someone starting a drug rumour because of bad lighting._

 

 **From: M❤ru**  
**I’m stuck in this meeting for another 3 hours at least,**  
**and Mother needs her prescription refill.**  
**Is there any way you could run it over to the clinic during your lunch?**

_Lunch?  Damn, where has the morning gone already!_

**Sure.  Where is it?**

**Pharmacy bag in the centre drawer of my desk.**

Gaku giggles and shakes his head at his boyfriend’s silliness.

**I meant the clinic, Honey.**

**( >_<) Wow, I’m dumb.**  
**Here’s the address.**

It’s a convenient spot, not too far from where Junji works.  Gaku may even have time for some lunch with his _other_ honey after he’s made the drop-off.

**Not a problem.**

**Thank you so much!**  
**Love you.**

**(//▽//)**

 

Gaku waits until after 1, happily strolling out as everyone else is meandering back in from their break.  The crisp, sunny spring weather bolsters his mood, and he finds himself whistling as he makes his way down the street, ignoring the frowns of the salarymen who find his cheerfulness annoying.

 _Last year at this time, I would have had a cigarette in my mouth the instant I set foot out the door,_ he thinks.   _But today, I don’t even want one._

His good mood seems to be infectious, because the receptionist at the clinic breaks into a jovial smile when he greets her.

“I’m here to drop something off for a patient.  Could you tell me which room Yamamoto-san is in?”

“Room 115, down the corridor to your left.”

Gaku thanks her and turns down the left-hand corridor, finding room 115 about half-way along the passage.  He sticks his head around the door frame cautiously.  It’s only a dialysis clinic, so there’s no worry about her being undressed, but he’d rather avoid the sight of blood if possible.

Kazuki’s mother is sitting in a partially- reclined chair with a thick crocheted afghan thrown over her lap and a long tube attached to her arm.  Gaku swallows hard and forces his eyes away from the needle in her vein up to her pale face.

“Yamamoto-san?”

She opens her eyes and smiles at him – Kazuki’s smile – giving a little wave with her unencumbered hand.

“Why Fujiwara-kun, this is a pleasant surprise!  It wasn’t too much trouble for you to come all this way, was it, dear?”

“Not at all,” he assures her, placing the bag in her lap.  “I appreciate the excuse to leave the office on such a pretty day.  Kazuki’s sorry he couldn’t get away from the meeting to bring it himself.”

“He works so hard,” she nods, “Such a good boy, my Kazuki.”

“Would that be me or your other Kazuki?”

Gaku nearly falls over in surprise.  On the opposite side of the room, a man in a pair of green scrubs with a patient clipboard tucked under his arm watches him with an amused sort of expression on his face.  He has his eyebrow pierced like Kazuki, although on the opposite side, and a piercing on both sides of his lower lip.  When he catches Gaku staring at them, he flicks his tongue out, devilishly revealing another glint of metal.

_Sweet heaven, a tongue ring._

Gaku’s been thinking about getting one himself for a year or so, and only the lengthy healing time without being able to kiss his boyfriends has held him back. 

But tongue rings aren’t the important part.  The important part is the brown clip board and green scrubs and reddish leather chair.  The important part is the _colour_.

“Oh Kazuki-kun!” Yamamoto-san exclaims.  “You know I think you’re a good boy too.  This is the young man my son is dating.  Fujiwara-kun, this is my other Kazuki – my favourite of the nurses here.  ”

“Nice to meet you.  You shouldn’t say I’m your favourite when the others might overhear, Yamamoto-san,” The Other Kazuki teases her, “Or where I can hear it, for that matter.  It might go to my head!”

Gaku just watches, mouth agape, as his soulmate flirts with his boyfriend’s mother.

His soulmate!  Flirts.  With his _boyfriend’s_ mother!

It’s fortunate there’s nothing in his stomach yet.  Otherwise, he might be sick.

“I… n-need to get back,” he retreats clumsily toward the door.  “I h-hope you’re feeling better soon, Yamamoto-san.”

Before the older woman can respond, he disappears back into the corridor.

“He must be sensitive about needles, the poor dear,” she theorizes, oblivious to the true cause of young man’s distress.

“Will you excuse me for just a second, Yamamoto-san?” the nurse asks, already half-way out the door himself.  “There’s something I need to check.”

Gaku walks as quickly as he can without _looking_ like he’s rushing away.  A medical facility is no place to go dashing through the halls, after all.  He’s near the reception desk, within sight of escape, when a hand lands on his shoulder.

 _Dammit, he caught up with me_.

“Uh… s-sorry,” Gaku fibs.  “I kinda figured you didn’t want to have that conversation in front of a patient.”

“In front of your boyfriend’s mum, you mean?” Kazuki jokes with a friendly smile.  “That’d be a bit on the awkward side, yeah.”

He’s got his hands so casually holding the stethoscope dangling around his neck, Gaku doesn’t know whether to be impressed or insulted.

_How can he be so effing calm about this?!  Is it because he doesn’t actually care?  Is it not a big deal to him?  Am I not… worth a reaction?_

“So I… guess you’ll want my number?” Gaku tentatively asks.

He’s not at all certain the nurse is going to want his number.  He’s not sure he wants to _give_ the nurse his number.

“If it’s not an imposition,” agrees Kazuki amicably.

There it is again: that blasé attitude.  Like it doesn’t really matter to him one way or the other.

“It’s generally at this point that you would remove the mobile from your pocket and offer it to me so that I can enter my contact info,” Kazuki interrupts his thoughts.

“Huh?  Oh… right.”

Gaku hands over the iPhone and waits uneasily as his soulmate types.

_Is this what Kazuo felt when he met Juju?  This overwhelming urge to run away as fast as he could?_

“Saved under ‘Itō Kazuki’: ‘tō’ spelled like ‘east’.  My shifts here end at 8, but I’ll answer texts whenever.  My next day off is Tuesday.  But it seems like there’s a lot on your plate already,” he says tipping his chin back toward Yamamoto-san’s room, “So no pressure.”

He returns the phone to Gaku with a wink.

“Gotta get back to my patient.  See ya around.”

And just like that, he’s gone.

_Didn’t even stick around long enough for me to give him my number in exchange.  What the hell!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** So now we've met the final player: Screw's Kazuki. A bit late in the game, I know, but it had to be that way. Could I have chosen someone _not_ named Kazuki and made my life a helluva lot easier? Sure. But then [this](https://68.media.tumblr.com/0cde3ac93b164f915cc60b845d90ee18/tumblr_n3ve05a0Ci1qix9d0o1_540.jpg) [happened](https://68.media.tumblr.com/a3da04d1e96fd823fc4b445fc3cdf368/tumblr_nagkm4IGqA1rklwkjo1_540.jpg).  
>  **2)** Again, I have no idea about family names. For Gacchan, I picked something common in Hyogo Prefecture (which is south of Osaka where he's from): 冨士原. For The Other Kazuki, I chose a less common way to write what is otherwise one of the top ten surnames in Japan: 伊東.  
>  **3)** Behold, a glimmer of [tongue ring](https://68.media.tumblr.com/795d60cde2f33accf2bc5ceb893bb44c/tumblr_n2p39e4c501rimmmlo1_500.gif).


	17. Aserazu jibun o shinjite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 焦らず自分を信じて  
> Believe in yourself without being impatient

The sensible thing for Gaku to do would be to go back to work.  Drown himself in photographic minutiae and give himself some time to process.  Gaku has never been one for doing the sensible thing.  Instead, his feet carry him toward the nearest source of comfort and security – by way of the nearest vending machine with his favourite brand of cigarettes.

  


Junji never expected a visit from his younger boyfriend in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday.  But when Ryo informs the mechanics in an awed voice that there’s a _supermodel_ in the reception area asking for “Juju”, he wipes his greasy hands on a shop rag and sends Ryo back to escort in his ray of sunshine.

“Gacchan!” he welcomes happily.  “This is a first!  What brings you by on a Thursday?  Miss me?”

Gaku gives a half-hearted shrug and fiddles with the zipper of his cardigan.  Junji’s cheer fades away as he notices how lost his boyfriend looks and the thick scent of cigarette smoke clinging to him.  Smells like someone had a relapse!  That doesn’t bode well.  In a flash, Junji darts into the back for some clean towels and a bottle of tea.

“Here.  Lay these on the work bench,” he instructs.  “Pop a squat and tell me what’s on your mind.”

Gaku snorts.

“Pop a squat?  Who talks like that!”

“That’d be me,” a jovial voice under the SUV one bay over informs him. 

A head of spiky blond hair and a face half-obscured by a bandana poke out from under the body.

“Be a doll and hand me that socket wrench, would ya?”

He points a grimy finger at a small tool not far away.  Gaku wrinkles his nose, but reaches for it only to have Junji snatch it away from him.

“You’ll get all dirty, Babe.  Let me get it.  And stop flirting with him, Reita!”

Even the ridiculous implication that saying “be a doll” might constitute flirting doesn’t distract Gaku from his brooding mood.  Junji leans in for a quick kiss on the tip of Gaku’s nose on his way past the workbench, and Gaku reaches out to drag his boyfriend between his legs for a bone-crushing hug.  Warning bells immediately begin to sound in Junji’s mind as he returns the hug tightly as he can while without soiling his boyfriend’s clothes.

“See?  You made him uncomfortable with your ineptitude!” Junji accuses his co-worker.

The obscured person blows a raspberry, and Gaku is momentarily diverted, wondering if the person he originally assumed was Junji’s boss is _actually_ a very muscular five-year-old.  Amusement is gone in the blink of an eye.

“What’s wrong, Gacchan?” Junji murmurs, nuzzling against the side of Gaku’s neck.  “What’s got you so worked up that you’ve started smoking again?  You’ve done so well with quitting.”

_All this and I’ve disappointed him, too!_

Gaku gives a sniff that sounds horribly like he might be on the verge of crying and chokes out:

“I met him.”

He doesn’t say more than that; he doesn’t need to.  Junji understands exactly who and what he means.

“Should we call Kazuki?”

Gaku shakes his head.

“He’s stuck in a meeting.  That’s why I’m out in the first place.”

Junji allows himself to be held for a few more minutes before retreating a bit to pepper Gaku’s teary eyelids with sweet kisses.

“Start at the beginning, and tell me everything, Babe.  I promise I’m listening, even if I’m face-first in the engine block.”

Gaku sips his tea until he’s confident he’s not going to start blubbering.  Crying in front of Junji is bad enough; crying in front of Junji’s colleagues would be humiliating.  Once he’s certain his voice won’t waiver, the story tumbles out – all, except the part where he tried to run away.  He glosses over that particular bit, saying he just left the room to avoid making Kazuki’s mother uncomfortable.  Junji can tell he’s not getting the full story.  Combining Gaku’s current mood with Kazuki’s reaction when they first met, it doesn’t take much deduction for the mechanic to figure out that “stepped out of the room” is code for “ran for the hills”.

The more Gaku talks, the more agitated he becomes as he realizes how pathetically brief the entire encounter was.  A person’s first meeting with his soulmate shouldn’t have been that… underwhelming.

“…And then he winked at me and just … walked away!  Like, what the hell?!  Who even does that?!”

If Gaku could hear the sigh Junji heaves, he’d be in hot water.  He’s not unsympathetic to what Gaku is going through; the stress and uncertainty are painfully familiar.  Still, he senses that nothing he says is going to help, because Gaku’s not ready to be comforted yet.

He gives it a shot anyway.

“Give him the benefit of the doubt, Babe,” Junji coaxes.  “The guy said he had to get back to his patients.  If he’s medical staff, lives probably depend on him.  Soulmate or not, a person can’t ignore that sort of responsibility.”

“No one would have _died_ in time it would have taken me to give him my number in return,” Gaku insists obstinately.

His ever-helpful conscience reminds him that he would have left without taking that time if the nurse hadn’t caught up with him.

“So you’re upset that he brushed you off?” asks Junji sceptically. 

Gaku frowns down at his now- empty bottle.  That _does_ sound like him, and there’s no denying that his soulmate’s indifferent attitude stings.  The problem runs much deeper than that, but wounded pride is the easier answer to give.

“What if he doesn’t even want me?” he pouts.

“Then he’s a broke-dick, and you’re better off without his sorry ass,” says a disembodied voice one bay over.

Junji shakes his head at his boss’s language.

“Thanks for those poetic words of comfort, Rei.  Seriously, Gacchan, what’s this really about?”

Gaku fidgets with his lip ring.  It feels like he’s been thinking himself in circles for hours, and it all keeps coming back to… something he doesn’t want to say aloud.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie, Babe.  You think I can’t tell it’s something deeper than a bruised ego?”

Of course Junji would see right through him – perceptive ass! 

“What if this is the final nail in the coffin?  We’ve been able to make it work so far as three, but it’s not three anymore.  It’s four.  I’ve found mine; Kazuo has you.  What if we drift apart and… that’s the end?”

_What if I lose you?_

Junji’s heart melts.

“This is _not_ the end!” he confidently denies.  “Like hell I’ll walk away from you just because you’ve found your soulmate!  And I think it’s safe to say Kazuki’s going to feel the same way.  Look how he reacted when he met me!”

Apparently Reita isn’t the only one who has been eavesdropping.  

“If I might weigh in,” Mitsuki interjects from the opposite side of the garage, “Everyone treats finding a soulmate as the final reward at the end of the video game.  But it’s really just the beginning of the next quest: the opportunity to get to know someone and discover what sort of relationship you’re meant to have, whether as lovers or close friends.”

Junji nods.

“Miki’s right.”

The SUV clears its throat loudly, and Junji rolls his eyes.

“So is Rei, I suppose, in his own incoherent way.”

Junji’s concession is met with another very wet raspberry.

“Listen, Gacchan, we’ve been through this once before; we know how to handle it.  Sure, we have our work cut out for us, explaining our situation to this new Kazuki.  There’s no _guarantee_ he’ll go for it.  But like Reita said, if he doesn’t, that’s his loss, because you’re amazing.”

Mitsuki wolf- whistles; Reita mutters “Get a room!”  Junji ignores them both and continues.

“And even if he’s agreeable, it will be an adjustment for me and the old Kazuki – gods, don’t tell him I called him that! – for me and Moru while we learn how to deal with another person being around.  But it _can_ work if we all commit to making it work.  Meanwhile, you just need to be secure in our affection.  We love you like crazy; nothing changes that.”

Gaku blinks against the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.  There’s no one else in the world who could say “everything will be fine” and actually make him believe it.

“I love you, too, Juju,” he offers shyly.

“You know there’s a love motel about two blocks from here,” the SUV mischievously suggests.

“Classy, Rei!” Mitsuki snorts.

“Shut the hell up,” adds Junji, grinning over his shoulder at Gaku with a “What can I do; he’s my boss” expression.

The things that grin does to Gaku! 

“Why do you know where the nearest love motel is, Suzuki-san?” Gaku asks with feigned innocence.

The incomprehensible stammering that ensues triggers such raucous hilarity from the other two mechanics that Ryo rushes in from the front desk, worried that someone has been electrocuted.

~~~~

Kazuki stops by the printing shop at the end of the day, planning to treat his boyfriend to dinner for his help with the prescription.  To his surprise, Gaku’s supervisor informs him that Gaku called in after lunch with food poisoning.  Kazuki hurries home, torn between worry about his lover’s health and annoyance that the younger man didn’t bother to _tell_ him he was ill.  His irritation grows when he finds Gaku and Junji snuggled on the sofa watching movies and snacking on edamame. 

“Thought you had food poisoning,” he grumbles, plopping himself unceremoniously between them.

“You did?” Junji peaks over Kazuki’s head at Gaku.  “Why didn’t you say so?  I would have suggested something easier on your stomach for lunch.”

“You had lunch together?”

That’s not fair.  Kazuki had a long, stressful day dealing with a marketing division that seems to forget that popularity isn’t something that just magically happens.  And there were his soulmate and boyfriend having lunch without him.

“I sent him to the burger place on the corner with my card because his stomach kept growling.”

“I told my boss I was sick so I wouldn’t have to go back to work,” Gaku shrugs and pops another edamame into his mouth.

“You brat!  You told me they weren’t expecting you,” scolds Junji and reaches around Kazuki to give Gaku a swat.

“They _weren’t_ ; I had food poisoning.”

“No you didn’t.” 

“Wish I could have spent the day goofing off,” Kazuki sulks.

“It wasn’t all goofing off, Moru,” Junji shakes his head, trying to get his arm around both of them at once.  “Gacchan had a rough afternoon.”

“Not as rough as it could have been since you were there,” Gaku replies.

Kazuki wonders if they are intentionally trying to make him feel left out.

“Sounds like maybe you’d prefer it if I always left the two of you alone!”

Tired and irritated as he is, Kazuki can tell he’s said the wrong thing by the way both of his lovers tense.  In an instant, Junji is up and around to Gaku’s other side, tugging him into a comforting hug.

“You don’t mean that, Kazuki,” Junji admonishes.  “He’s not going to leave you, Babe; you know that.”

Something is definitely wrong for Junji to be so defensive.  Kazuki sighs and reaches out to stroke Gaku’s hair.

“I didn’t mean it like _that_ ,” he relents.  “I’m just cranky.  Tell me why the afternoon was so tough.”

For the second time that day, Gaku relays the discovery of his soulmate.  The more Kazuki hears, the worse he feels for his petulant attitude.  Of course Gaku would be upset; of course he would seek out comfort; and of course Junji would provide it.

“Poor Gacchan,” he murmurs, punctuating his apology with a kiss.  “If I’d known, I’d have taken the pills myself.  No wonder you needed a break from the office.  I’m so sorry.”

Gaku turns in Junji’s arms to pull his boyfriend closer.

“I’m really worried,” he whispers into Kazuki’s hair.

“I know, Honey,” Kazuki replies.  “You’re allowed to feel worried.”

“Everything will be okay,” reassures Junji, as much for Kazuki’s benefit as for Gaku’s.  “We’ll make it through this stronger than ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** The Яyo in this chapter is the cutie-pie drummer of girugamesh. But I spelled his name with an _actual_ R instead of a "ya" because... proper pronunciation!  
>  **2)** Rei talks like one of my ex-boyfriends. I don't know why he wanted to be like that, but my muses pretty much always get their way.  
> 


	18. Kiminoyasashisa ni furete kawareta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 君の優しさに触れて変われた  
> I was touched by your kindness and transformed

Kazuki spends the next several days waiting on Gaku hand and foot and generally spoiling him rotten.  He also discretely asks his mother for information on the nurse.  While she’s not able to provide many details, she has nothing but positive things to say, which eases Kazuki’s trepidations.  Overall, he is much calmer learning about Gaku’s soulmate than he was meeting his own, though there is an undercurrent of uncertainty he can’t quite hide when he and Junji are alone.

Junji tries to keep everyone looking on the bright side.  He’s constantly reminding Kazuki how things were for them at first, and how they were able to overcome mistrust through candid exchange of ideas and feelings.  He’s quick to step to The Other Kazuki’s defence regarding his behaviour, pointing out that the nurse’s cool demeanour might just have been an act to cover up how confused he was to learn that his soulmate was dating a patient’s child.  Junji is also the first to prompt Gaku to open the lines of communication.

 For nearly a month, Gaku limits himself to texts, and nurse Kazuki doesn’t press for anything more.  Seeing how much Gaku frets about his soulmate not really being interested eventually leads Kazuki to suggest the three of them have the nurse over for dinner to “clear the air”.  Junji hesitates, reasoning that from an outsider’s perspective, it might look like they are ganging up on him.  But Gaku confesses that he’d feel safer meeting his soulmate in the presence of his boyfriends; and since Junji isn’t able to suggest a more neutral location that would provide the sort of peace and privacy they need for such a personal discussion, he lets the matter drop.

~~~~

When the doorbell alerts them that their guest has arrived for the evening, Gaku gives a soft yelp and scurries off to the bedroom to check his appearance for the seventeenth time.  Kazuki hesitates in the doorway of the kitchen, debating whether he should leave the crostini he has toasting in the oven.

“Go answer it,” instructs Junji.  “I’ll watch the bread.”

“You don’t cook, Juju,” Kazuki points out.

“I can tell when toast is burning!” Junji huffs.  “Besides, this isn’t my home, so it would be strange for me to answer the door.”

Kazuki brushes imaginary crumbles from the front of his apron and hurries to the door before their guest thinks they’re ignoring him.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he apologizes as the door opens.  “I’m… Yamamoto Kazuki.”

It’s a small miracle he’s able to remember his own name, considering the stunningly handsome guy on the mat. Gaku’s soulmate is wearing a grey waistcoat and trousers with a black shirt and necktie, knot fashionably loosened to expose his throat.

“The boyfriend.  Nice to meet you,” he smiles winningly, offering Kazuki his hand to shake.  “I’m Itō Kazuki.”

“P-please come in,” he stumbles backward to make room for Gaku’s soulmate, fighting the urge to fan himself.

_Has the temperature suddenly increased?_

The nurse removes his shoes and follows his host into the main room, politely complimenting the décor even as he glances around in search of Gaku.

“Ne, Kazu?” Junji calls from the kitchen.

“Yes?” both Kazukis reply automatically.

They stare at each other for a split second, before going to pieces.

“He probably means you,” the nurse chuckles.

“Would _someone_ please come check whether these are toasted enough so that I don’t get blamed for ruining everything?”

Kazuki doesn’t even have the opportunity to respond before Gaku dashes from the bedroom into the kitchen.

“I swear to god, Juju!” they hear him grumbling.  “What kind of grown-ass man doesn’t know how to….”

“You’ll have to get used to the sharp tongue,” Kazuki predicts with a fond smile.

“I don’t think I’ll mind,” his guest replies.  “It’s pretty endearing, actually.”

A couple loud bangs later, Gaku drags a sheepish looking Junji out of the kitchen to greet the new arrival.

“Is everything okay?” Kazuki asks, tugging at the hem of his apron.

“If it weren’t, the smoke detector would let you know,” quips Gaku.  “Hi, Kazuki-san.”

“Hey, Gakkun.”

The nurse shakes his hand with a smile, acutely aware of how closely the other two are watching the interaction.

“You met my other Kazuki?” Gaku asks, a little blush staining his cheeks as he says it.

“I did,” nods the nurse.  “And it reinforces my conviction that all Kazukis are good looking.”

“Although apparently not modest,” Gaku retorts, turning toward the mechanic. “This is Tokai Junji: Kazuki’s soulmate, and… my other boyfriend.  Juju, this is… my other half, I guess.”

The nurse looks slightly surprised at that.

“Other boyfriend… okay, wow.  Uh…nice to meet you, too.  Though, I have to say, I’m really confused why I’m even here if you already have _two_ hot guys to spend your time with.”

“Because a soulmate is more than just a hot guy,” Junji reasons.  “There’s the potential for a very deep, meaningful relationship here, and neither Kazuki nor I wants the two of you to miss out on that just because he already has people in his life who love him.”

“Sounds like I have a lot to learn about the three of you,” Kazuki remarks.

Gaku steps forward and takes his soulmate by the wrist.

“Come sit down, and we’ll explain things.”

Over appetizers and (non-alcoholic) drinks, Gaku lays out his history for his soulmate.  Kazuki and Junji add a detail or two when relevant, but for the most part it’s Gaku talking and his soulmate listening.  He frowns a bit when Gaku talks about working as Kai the stripper, and both Junji and his soulmate steel themselves for some judgmental crap.  Yet all the nurse says is that he’s glad Gaku has found a less dangerous line of work. 

Naturally, the trio want to hear the facts of the nurse’s life as well. 

“You mentioned you’re 28.  How long have you worked for the dialysis centre?” Junji asks.

“About three and a half years.  I used to work nights in the emergency room, but… that got pretty rough after a while, and I needed a change.”

The former manager wrinkled his nose.

“Sounds exhausting!”

Kazuki hums.

“Mostly car accidents and blood alcohol poisoning – more often than not, the two went hand in hand.  But the last straw for me was a young host who came in with a broken jaw and ribs.  One of his clients wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and beat the crap out of him.”

No one says anything, but they are all thinking the same thing.

_Blood alcohol poisoning?  Broken bones at the hands of an abusive patron?  That might so easily have been Gaku._

The conversation has turned heavy, so Junji tries again with a lighter subject: Kazuki’s hobbies.  He likes music, which means plenty to discuss with Kazuki, video games and anime, which is to Gaku’s liking.  And when, to Junji’s delight, going to the gym is mentioned, Gaku actually throws a pillow at the mechanic’s head and accuses him of conspiring with his soulmate to _force_ him to exercise. Both men laugh; neither bothers denying it.

Kazuki expected to feel about his namesake rather the way Gaku felt about Junji at first: defensive and unhappy.  He did _not_ expect for his heart to race and his cheeks to flush every time the nurse smiles and makes a joke.  Which happens quite often throughout the night, because this new Kazuki is a friendly, easy-going guy who seems to find his place with them without much difficulty.

  


When the evening draws to a close, Gaku seems much more relaxed around his soulmate. He quietly draws Junji aside to ask if the mechanic would mind helping clean up so that he can walk the nurse to the train station. Junji restrains himself from teasing for the time being.

“Take an umbrella just in case,” he suggests instead.

Once they are gone, Junji turns his attention to his own soulmate, quite aware of the tense energy surrounding his love.

“So?” he prompts.

“So-o-o…” begins Kazuki tentatively.  “He seems… nice.”

Junji isn’t the slightest bit fooled by Kazuki’s nonchalance.

“By ‘nice’ do you mean that you think he’s incredibly sexy and on more than one occasion this evening caught yourself fantasizing about all of the naughty things you’d like him to do to you?”

Kazuki’s entire face turns as red as a tomato.  Junji finds it so adorable he can’t help but wrap his arms around Kazuki’s waist and begin nibbling at his ear.

_Damn, but he fits perfectly in my arms.  How did I get so lucky?_

“It’s fine, Moru,” he murmurs affectionately.  “If you want him, go after him.  You didn’t stand in my way with Gaku; I wouldn’t dream of trying to stop you from getting to know him.”

“But then you’d be sharing _both_ of us with him,” Kazuki argues, leaning back into his soulmate’s touch.  “That doesn’t seem quite right.”

“As long as there are no secrets being kept, I don’t see how it’s a problem,” repeats Junji.

 “You know…” Kazuki continues, fighting the intoxicating affection he’s receiving, “The two of _you_ hit it off pretty well….”

“Barking up the wrong tree, Babe,” Junji chuckles.  “He seems like a great guy, and I have no doubt I’ll enjoy hanging out with him.  But there’s none of that sort of chemistry between us at all.”

Kazuki gives a little grunt of frustration.

“Sorry to disappoint, Kazuo.  You’ll just have to find some other way to assuage your misguided guilt over wanting him.”

“Speaking of guilt, that story he told about the host who was attacked by a customer was frightening.”

“Some people don’t deserve to keep breathing,” Junji growls low in his chest.

“And to think it could have been our honey.  Or one of the other boys he worked with….”

Kazuki nestles a little closer into Junji’s arms.  For a few minutes, dense silence reigns, until Kazuki finally voices the idea swirling around in his mind.

“Do you think that by coming into his life when I did, I actually prevented him finding his soulmate when he was meant to?”

Junji draws back just enough to stare into his soulmate’s eyes.

“You mean could he have ended up in the emergency with a broken jaw or needing his stomach pumped from all the alcohol he consumed?” Junji clarifies.  “Maybe.  Probably.  From what you’ve said, he was certainly headed that direction.  But Kazu… he could have _died_!  And then where would the three of us be?  Don’t you dare feel ashamed that you helped him find the strength to walk away from all of that!”

He pulls Kazuki into a soft kiss.

“We’ll never know what might have been.  So we might as well be grateful we’re all together and happy now.”

Kazuki hums in agreement, hands wandering over Junji’s muscular back.

“It should be another… twenty minutes before Gaku returns from waiting on the train,” Kazuki’s eyes sparkle mischievously.  “I could _show_ you just how grateful I am… if you wanted.”

Junji isn’t about to say ‘no’ to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** Kazuki's [look](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/9b/e5/d0/9be5d00a9724181fc4d62042729753d4--japanese-guys-pretty-boys.jpg) to meet the rest of the family.  
>  **2)** Still questioning my decision to choose a second Kazuki. I hope it's not terribly confusing who is speaking when.


	19. Stand by Me; I'm Always Here

Nurse Kazuki gets added to the group texts and date night rotation, happy to hang out with his soulmate’s boyfriends whenever it fits his schedule.  His misgivings about Gaku’s heart being so very taken already don’t last long.  He and Junji have so much in common it’s as though they’ve been friends for years rather than weeks.  And Kazuki?  Kazuki is irresistible.

Which creates an unforeseen issue of its own.

Truth be told, once he notices, Junji feels as though he _ought_ to have seen it coming, given Gaku’s temperament and history. 

“You’re getting all bristly again, Gacchan,” Junji murmurs in his younger lover’s ear one evening.

There’s no question about it; Gaku is _glaring_ at his soulmate as he flirts with Kazuki over a shared order of chips.

“Why is he paying so much attention to Moru?”

“Because Moru’s sweet and attractive?” posits Junji.  “Come on, Babe, this isn’t rocket science.”

Gaku crosses his arms over his chest peevishly.

“Well, I don’t like it.”

“That much is obvious.”

“And you can’t make me like it either!  There’s no reason for them to be getting that close.”

“Kazuki might as easily have said the same about the two of us,” Junji reminds him.

Gaku scowls.

“That’s different.”

“How?” prods Junji.  “Why is it okay for us to be together, but not them?  Is it because _your_ soulmate is hitting on _your_ boyfriend, and _you_ are no longer the centre of attention?”

Gaku is definitely being selfish and irrational.  And right now, that is _not_ what he wants to hear.

“I should have known you’d take _his_ side in all of this,” he accuses, shoving Junji’s arm off of his shoulder.  The sudden outburst draws the attention of the other two.

“Hey!  What’s the problem?” the nurse asks, concern written all over his handsome face.

“Nothing,” Gaku retorts, shoving up from the table to stalk off.

Junji won’t have any of that, and grabs his boyfriend by the belt loop.

“Gacchan is feeling some jealousy and insecurity about the two of you… getting along so well,” Junji explains, ducking away from the slap that’s thrown his way.  “And apparently my pointing out that fact is enough to earn me the wrath.”

“Honey!” the younger Kazuki hastily scoots to his boyfriend’s side to begin apologizing.

But the nurse pre-empts him.

“Then we’ll stop,” he declares.

Everyone turns to stare at him.

“Stop what?” Gaku demands, eyes narrowing.

“Whatever it is that’s making you uncomfortable.  If you don’t want Kazuki and me to be around each other anymore, we won’t.”

Gaku bites his lower lip.

“Does that mean you want Juju and me to…?”

“No.”

“But that’s not fair.”

_Why is Gaku even arguing when he’s getting what he wants!_

“This isn’t about what’s fair right now,” his soulmate denies, taking Gaku’s hand in his own.  “It’s about you feeling secure with me.  The three of you have an understanding, and it’s working for you.  That doesn’t mean the same exact thing is going to work twice.  Kazuo can handle you and Junji being together.  Fine.  You can’t handle him and me interacting yet.  Okay.”

“And what if he can’t ever handle it?” the younger Kazuki asks, hurt clear in his tone.

The nurse gives him an apologetic look.

“Then I’ve doing a pathetic job proving my trustworthiness.  Like Junji-san said before, we’ve got a shot at a pretty deep connection if we do this right.  And to me, doing it right means ironing out everything between Gakkun and me first before branching out.  I’d hate to cause a rift between the two of you.”

“That’s also gonna mean letting go of your suspiciousness, Gacchan,” reminds Junji.  “I didn’t try to steal Kazuki away from you.  Moru isn’t going to try to steal Kazuki away from you.  You know him better than that, even if you don’t completely know your soulmate yet.”

“What do you say, kid?  Can you learn to trust me?”

Gaku stares at his soulmate long and hard; Kazuki meets his gaze without a flinch.

“Maybe,” he allows.  “Unless you call me ‘kid’ again.  Then I will drown you in the river.”

“He answers to ‘brat’, though, so you shouldn’t have much trouble substituting,” Junji suggests.

Conversation gradually returns to normal, although the Kazukis are very careful not to flirt any longer.  It reminds Gaku of the artificiality between Junji and Kazuki when they’d first gotten together.  He should say something to clear the air.

“I think it’s time for me to head home,” Kazuki declares.  “It’s been a long day.”

Or maybe it can wait.

“I should head out too,” Junji agrees.

He leans over and gives Gaku a kiss on the cheek, whispering in his ear:

“You owe Moru an apology for the glaring.”

Apologizing isn’t something Gaku is very good at, though his conscience insists that Junji is right.  He can see in the mirror’s reflection as he’s brushing his teeth how Kazuki’s shoulders are slumped and his brows drawn.  Both his fault.

“Moru?”

His boyfriend doesn’t answer, so he tries again.

“Kazuo?  Honey?”

Kazuki glances up with a weary expression.

“What is it, Gacchan?”

Guilt hits Gaku squarely in the chest.

_Kazuki was right to call me a kid.  I’m being really childish._

“I’m sorry I’m such a selfish brat,” he offers sincerely.  “You’ve never given me any reason to doubt you, and yet I acted like that.  I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Kazuki sighs and gestures for his boyfriend to come sit on the bed beside him.

“I know it’s not easy.  Everything is so new with your Kazuki that….”

“ _You_ are my Kazuki,” Gaku interrupts.

“Yes, I am,” confirms his boyfriend, leaning his cheek on Gaku’s shoulder.  “And no other Kazuki in the world could ever love you quite like I do… even if you are jealous and petulant at times.”

“Forgive me?” Gaku pleads.

Kazuki chuckles.

“I already have, Honey.”

~~~~

Junji follows Kazuki down the stairs onto the walkway in front of the building.  It seems like the younger man wants to talk a bit more, so he hangs around, pretending to check his phone under the street lamp.

“Man, tonight was… intense,” Kazuki offers with a shake of his head.

“Probably won’t be the last time that happens either,” Junji warns.  “It takes some finesse and a lot of patience to get behind that tough exterior of his.  But believe me when I say, he’s worth it.”

_Now don’t those words sound familiar!_

Kazuki nods thoughtfully.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You headed toward the train station?”

Kazuki looks up and down the road, contemplating.

“Probably should,” he admits, “But I could really go for a beer right now.”

Junji gives him a friendly pat on the back.

“I know just the place.”

  


Soon after, they’ve squeezed themselves onto two bar stools between a person wearing a pink face mask and a guy with vivid streaks of turquoise in his hair.

“More friends, Juju?  Where do you hide them all!” the bartender jokes.

Junji throws an arm over Kazuki’s shoulder.

“Not _just_ a friend, Hiyorin.  _This_ is my soulmate’s boyfriend’s soulmate: our other Kazuki.”

It’s the most impressive introduction Kazuki has ever received.

“Nice to meet you!” he offers with a cheeky grin.

Hiyori gives them that look that says they’ve both gone out of their minds, but in the blink of an eye it’s replaced by his usual cheery smile directed full-blast at the newcomer.

“The more the merrier, I guess.  What can I get you fellas?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **1)** In planning the plot for Junji, I realized that although I had dealt with a situation in which a soulmate relationship hadn't worked out (Takemasa), I hadn't explored what might occur to a non-soulmate relationship once the soulmate came into the picture. My original intention was to focus on Kazuki and Gaku. As it turns out, Gaku took one look at Juju and declared "MINE!" Then I found [these](https://68.media.tumblr.com/1ec9031798706fdb1dfd70dd6cd025d5/tumblr_onftr6i7691so2sswo1_400.jpg) [pics](https://68.media.tumblr.com/8a87ca5cf57415e04e16160e568b87ee/tumblr_onftr6i7691so2sswo2_500.jpg), and the sliver of control I had was lost.  
>  **2)** This may not be the traditional "happily every after" that some were expecting, but I didn't want it to feel artificial. Balancing a pair of triads is going to require a lot of hard work and trust among these four, and sometimes they're going to stumble. But they _will_ make it.  
>  **3)** Nurse Kazuki is already hinting at friends and connections he'd like to bring to the Greyscale!Verse party, so this probably won't be the last you see of these boys.  
>  **4)** Hope you all enjoyed this. As always, I greatly appreciate the hits, kudos, and comments!


End file.
